How to Heal Those Emotional Wounds after an Abusive Relationship
By Yukio Phillips

In your relationship, you felt like you could not trust your own instincts and games were played with your mind. Even though you left the abuser, you are left with the residue of these thoughts around the clock.

The Most Important Building block for your recovery foundation is Validation and Self Approval.

If you are like me, you are probably looking at these words as somewhat foreign. The only validation you may have received in your relationship came from your abuser in the words- you are not enough and why can't you just do what I ask. Are those words familiar?

In order to feel that you are worthy of being in recovery and break the cycle of entering into another abusive relationship, learning to sense your own value and approving yourself becomes priority.

How do you learn how to validate yourself?

1. Detach from needing the approval of others. When you concentrate on approving yourself from your own set of guidelines, you will be able to see and praise your own progress of recovery. It gives you a great sense of hope and confidence that you took a step to do something differently.

2. Baby steps, Baby Steps. Okay Ladies, let's have fun with this one. Is it hard for you to feel a sense of accomplishment unless you solve world hunger? And even with that you want people there to tell you how wonderful you are. In my own experience of recovery, this was and still is a work in progress. Even though you were expected to be an unpaid mind reader in your relationship, you can now relax and enjoy your own victories no matter what it is. This time you set the rules. This will help you to develop confidence in enjoying yourself without needing the opinions of others.

3. Believe that You are fabulous. Just because. You were created by God and his life is in you, you are enough. Everyday you take a step to apply this truth, you will start to believe it. You may be used to your mood being determined by the response from others, that this step may seem a little uncomfortable at first. Whatever you do, just do your personal best and know that is all anyone can do.

If you apply these three steps in your life consistently at your own pace of validating and approving yourself, you will be on your way to living the life of your dreams.

You are a Bold Woman Worthy of the Life you want to live!

AUTHORS BIO

Yukio Strachan Phillips is an author and Registered Pharmacist with a Doctorate in Pharmacy. As creator of http://www.boldandworthy.com, her passion is to empower women to identify and shatter false beliefs that keep them in abusive relationships. Her special area of focus is raising awareness of spousal abuse in Church Communities across the world. Her Powerful Ezine will inspire people to rise above the limitations that past experiences have left on today. You can sign up for her ezine at http://www.boldandworthy.com where you will find more resources for healing wounds of emotional abuse with more exciting programs to come very soon.
 
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To your continued good health and well being

John Elliott aka Oaky Wood and my partner Luella May

Hello Pauline!

I simply love that quote.  Bravo to you for helping women realize their own self worth and individuality, yes, especially considering the society in India.  Thank you for the hope that you impart to them.

Kindest regards,

Luella May and John Elliott, aka Oaky Wood

Hello Everybody

    This is a topic that comes up fairly often in my mental health forums. I have spoken with many women, and a few men, who have spent years in an abusive relationship and there are some common threads between them all. The single most destructive trait of those who stay in these relationships is low self esteem. It is as if the the abuser somehow knows that the more he chips away at his mates self esteem, the less likely it will be that she leaves. Most of the women that I have spoken with about this were not even able to look someone in the eyes when speaking to them. They hold their head down and they talk very softly. As if afraid to say the wrong thing.

    Something else that I have seen a lot of too is that many women actually blame themselves for being abused. Not because they stay in the relationship but, because they feel they must have done something wrong and deserve to be punished. This is part of the conditioned mind set of the abused woman. " I am not a good person, therefore, I deserve what I get".

   In nearly every case of abuse, the abused person is asked by someone," why do you stay "? Surprisingly to me, the most common answer to this question is "because I love him ". This breaks my heart to hear this because it limits this persons ability to look at things in a more logical way. Nearly all of us have a predisposed mindset that love is for eternity. That love conquers all and that love has no bounds. Ladies, please believe someone when they tell you that abuse is not about love. Love is not about being hurt and afraid. Don't stay in a relationship where you are being hurt and feeling afraid. Free yourself from this trap and go find real love. You deserve it and it is out there waiting for you.

Hi Bill,

John here,

Thank you for dropping by, as always a wonderful contibution. All I can add is, you are totally right in everything you say, if only more women could understand what you say, then so many would be saved from the suffering and anguish they are now receivng through their parnter.

To your good health Bill

John Elliott aka Oaky Wood and my partner in everything Luella May