Today as I look back through the years

I wonder, at that listening post am I still?

Gone it seems are those fears,

A life, a career, a dream did I fulfill.

Still I reach for her hand,

For the hand of her I love,

But still I do not understand,

Longing for the sheltering dove.

Stay my dear, my love, at my side

Please understand, please understand,

Oft times, lonely feelings do still abide,

As I reach out, reach for her hand.

Each day dawns the morning sun,

Filled with dreams and hope of cheer,

For my tour, my duty now is done,

But why is it still so dark out here?

Together we  had a good life

Oft times, it seems, without a care,

Yet oft with trial and time of strife

Oh so hard, oh so hard to bare.

Why, my love, do I feel this way?

Once again please take my hand,

Guide me, love me each day,

But please just try to understand.

Although history now will show,

There is no need, no need to fear

For he who comes is friend, not foe,

But please my love, draw me near.

Oft times, still it seems so dark

Please my love, draw me near,

Now in a new career, I must embark,

I am so lonely, the uncertainty do I fear.

Yet, I know, for me, my Savior died,

And he guides me, keeps me day by day

If I will in him abide, in him abide,

But why, my love, do I feel this way?

Thirty-five years now have passed,

Why, I ask, can’t you understand?

You say, think not of things now past

Please understand, please take my hand

At last I’m home to your embrace,

Family, friends all did say, I did bravely fight

And now,  I know it was by his grace,

Feeling your love, and not my might.

Of the perils, of my fear, of my pain

I long to share, but none will hear

Will you listen, so peace I might gain?

Do not ask me why, but hold me near.

As I look back at that night,

And the year, that long, long year,

I try to understand, did we win the fight?  Did I do right? tell me so, please my dear.

Although, my tour, my duty’s done

The land, the fields, it was a pretty place,

So many years, yet it seems it just begun

Did we win?, begs the quest I can’t erase.

Please my love, please understand

My doubts, my fear, the need to share

As that angel long ago, hold my hand

I long to know, to feel you care.

It seems so cold, so dark out here

Please, my love, in his so perfect will

Draw me close, draw me near,

For at that listening post, am I still?

           Charles Robinson

- somewhere,35 years later