A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a
tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For
being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other
for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." "Oh, I want to travel
around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy
waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II
luxury liner appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband's turn.
He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but
my ish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife, and the
fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy
waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful buggers should remember
fairies are female.
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Subject: Oh no.......................
Scenario:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine
travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same
speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Answer:
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk !!!!
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A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without
water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the
sand,certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pull s it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have
three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an
IRS auditor genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it
looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie
is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever
seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF***
The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with
gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a
good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that no
matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF***
He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything,
there's going to be a string attached.
That's all folks!!!
Keep smiling