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For The Kids...
What's the nearest thing to silver?
The Lone Ranger's bottom!
This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
I bet you were mad.
Mad? I was foaming at the mouth!
What sort of animal is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!
What does "Minimum" mean?
A very small mother!
What is an archaeologist?
Someone who's career is in ruins!
What is hail?
Hard boiled rain!
Why are astronauts successful people?
Because they always go up in the world!
For The Kids...
What's black and white all over and difficult?
An exam paper!
Why aren't you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon.
How many galleons did the get to the mile!
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights!
For The Kids...
How do you make milk shake?
Give it a good scare!
Do you know the time?
No, we haven't met yet!
What sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
A kipper!
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck!
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!
Did you hear about the man who had BO on one side only?
He bought Right Guard, but couldn't find any Left Guard!
What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!
For The Kids...
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!
My teacher reminds me of history
She's always repeating herself!
Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!
For The Kids...
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
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