Being a woman, a difficult task

How many times do we have to choose between attending our children's school party or an important work meeting? A specialist reflects on the multiple roles that women must often assume.PUFFER OVERCOAT

In our country, 46% of women work outside the home and feel tugged at having to respond as a housewife, wives, mothers and work or profession. If we add social commitments and health care, physical activity, and leisure time, the feeling of pulling often becomes unbearable. For example, how many times do we have to choose between attending our children's school party or an important work meeting? Although we are clear that we cannot be on two sides at the same time, it is almost impossible not to feel guilty when explaining to our children the reason for our absence to the event that was the most important for them.

Now, what happens to women who do not work, and who only fulfill the important role of being housewives?

We all depend on a context (the culture to which we belong) and that entails a support of beliefs and preconceptions that condition us without us noticing. This means that many times we do not respond to our needs but to what we think is expected of us. And of course we expect a lot. We are supposed to be good mothers, housewives, and good workers without any type of tiredness or fatigue.

What differentiates those women who work at home and those who work only at home, taking care of their house, their husband and their children? MONOCHROME FUR In the vast majority of cases, the world of relations of the latter is more limited and what unites this type of women with society is also different as long as the time they have is more dedicated to domestic issues. In the outside world of the home other capacities are needed. It is to be hoped that if they need to work, they have the capacity to enter the world of work.

Those women who give power to the man they married depend on him and may, over time, come to believe that they can never be independent. In this way a sense of fragility is produced in them, they are women girls. If they did not build their own work experience and, as a consequence, cannot self-supply, they will feel more insecure about the future.

It must be said that, in both realities, conflicts can arise both in those women who work outside the home and in those who only work at home. The former may feel stressed by having to reconcile work with household chores, but they may also feel independent and peer of their partners contributing to the home the fruit of their work. The relationship with man is thus more equitable. When the couple decides to separate, the fear of the woman tends to be less, since she can face life taking responsibility, without depending on the goodwill of the husband or legislation often not so fair for the woman.

Those who have dedicated themselves only to the house and children may not feel pulled. But they can feel alienated, since they have to always be in function of the others and dedicate themselves to repetitive and little valued tasks. When children leave home and face the empty nest, it is expected that they will suffer more than those who can compensate for this loss with a personal project developed over time.

The more aspects of the personality developed by the woman throughout her life, the more integral and sure she will feel, because she will have more resources than the one that has dedicated herself only to being a wife and mother. If, in addition to this, she develops a personal project for which she receives income and has a network of relationships, friends, companions and family members who accompany her in her journey through life, she will be able to rely on any of these aspects when one of the others is in conflict.

I would like to add that not just any woman can take care of her house and her children, because many times it is necessary that the two that make up the couple contribute to the family economy. In the case of having children the contribution of the two helps for the education and care of these. In our country, women of upper or upper middle class often do not work and dedicate themselves exclusively to the care of their children. In that case, the husband's economic contribution makes this reality possible. Also those who belong to the other end of the spectrum, the lower class, should stay to take care of their family if there is no one to help them so they can go out to work. But the vast majority works; they run and are anonymous heroines of this society.

I think it is important to mention that any choice a woman makes for her life should be evaluated knowing what type of contingencies she may have in the future. For example, if the woman has not prepared properly or is not independent, she will suffer much more uncertainty in the case of separation or in cases of widowhood. They may also feel empty because they do not have their own project. There is something that is personal and non-transferable, desire. The type of expectations that each person has is different and the degree of satisfaction that they experience in daily life depends on them. If you have fulfilled what you dreamed, which in some cases is being a wife and mother will not have too many conflicts.

In the office I can observe daily that women who work or are dedicated to developing their project have a greater degree of satisfaction than that of housewives. I think that this is also due to the fact that nowadays that woman who is successful in some activity is valued, perhaps because she thinks about the term of the utility and the concretion of objectives.

In some countries there is legislation that covers the cases of women who have children and work. There are maternity gardens run by specialized people paid by the State or nurseries in the factories so that young mothers can resolve the issue of going to work knowing that their children are well cared for.