A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

Hi Howard,

Very Cute! I guess you know how much Insurance Men love Lawyers.

Lawyer's Wife

A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads:

"Here lies Shirley, wife of Sam Johnson, LLD, Wills, Divorce, Malpractice, and Immigration Legal Services"

Suddenly, Sam bursts into tears. His brother says, "You SHOULD cry, pulling a cheap stunt like this on Shirley's tombstone!"

Through his tears, Sam sobs, "You don't understand! They left out the phone number!"

__________

Satisfaction At The Lawyer's Office

A guy phones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."

The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."

The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting annoyed and replies, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"

The guy responds, "Because I just love hearing it

__________

A Lawyer's Deal With The Devil

An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your husband's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents and grandparents, and the souls of all your friends and law partners."

The lawyer ponders this for a moment and then finally asks, "So, what's the catch?"

__________

Some Lawyerly One-Liners

Q: What is the definition a "Lucky Break"?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a "Crying Shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.

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Have A Happy Week My Friend,

Phil