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A man catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.” The passenger says, “Who?” The cabbie replied, “Frank Feldman. He's one of those guys who did everything right all the time. Like me just coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman all the time.” The passenger quiped, “There’s always a few clouds over everybody.”

The cabbie shook his head no, and said, “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have easily won the Grand-Slam at tennis and he golfed with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was simply an amazing guy.” Now becoming interested, the passenger said, “Sounds like he was something really special.”

The cabbie continued. “There's more. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank, he could do everything right. He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic to avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Feldman never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman. He’d never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! Frank Feldman was a remarkable man. No one can ever measure up to Frank.”

The passenger leans forward and says, “An amazing fellow, this Frank Feldman, how did you come to meet him?”

The cabblie smiles, looks at the passenger in his rear view mirror, and says, “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his widow.

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Quote:

If you marry a Virginia girl..

Three friends married women from different parts of the South.

The first man married a woman from Tennessee . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Georgia . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Virginia . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees...

Somebody texted this to me today.

It's in bad taste but what the heck.

I bought a new deodorant stick today. The label said "Remove top and push up bottom"

I did.

It's pretty uncomfortable, but, when I pass gas the room smells lovely.

Roger