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Craftie Linda

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Christmas Party
12/1/2005 4:23:42 AM
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon, in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ........ feel free to sing along! And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty ************* FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 2 October 2005 RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present, No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty *************** FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 3 October 2005 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table................. you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money and executives believe $10 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Patty **************** FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 4 October 2005 RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of the year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross-dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food, we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty *************** FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All ****ing Employees DATE: 5 October 2005 RE: The ****ing Holiday Party Vegetarian *****s I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your ****ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die. The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ********************** FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 6 October 2005 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!
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Alan Gates

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Re: Christmas Party
12/1/2005 5:04:41 AM
Linda, Yep, thats probably the best Christmas joke and although I see it every year, I still enjoy reading it again. Balls to political conrectness! We should celebrate opinions and discuss them openly and honestly and without fear of offending (which does not mean being biggoted or downright rude,) for that is the only way of persuading others to moderate their extremes and accept a compromise which is acceptable to the majority and to the minority groups. If we don't, we may all end up like Patty Lewis. Regards, Alan
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Douglas Grounds

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Re: Christmas Party
12/1/2005 5:52:31 AM
I want to thank you for the good joke and thats about the way it goes you can please everyone. I also would like to thank you for the invitation to this forum. If any of my adland friends would like to look at my websites for health and prosperity I would welcome your visit. You baby boomers, say your finding it hard to stay away from hospital and doctor visits because of minor health concerns, 90% of your problems could be caused by nutritional deficicency, although this percentage could be higher, if you visit my website I could arrange a discounted price on your order for you. One other thing there is a empty bottle money back guarantee. http://myvemma.com/vitaman1 If you have a need for a no-fee credit card, for your business, or personal need this is for you. http://urlhome.com/freecard If you would like to shop online in the mall store its got everything you need even Walmart store, law offices, to mention a few.You wont have to deal with the crowds of people. http://urlhome.com/solutions If you have any advertising needs, from your website, business, or even a garage sale, this will benefit you a lot, I use it in my business. http://urlhome.com/webtools This is something every business needs, and that is a domain name, or your customers when struggling to remember random numbers, and letters, to get to your website, go to your competition for assistance. http://tenspot.ws Best regards Douglas Grounds
Douglas Grounds
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Beverly Armstrong

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Re: Christmas Party
12/1/2005 6:35:12 AM
Where do you get these? LOL Linda you should be salaried! :)
Beverly Armstrong NC., Health & Website Consultant, Trainer, Writer & Entreprenuer, Network Marketing & Tutorials http://networkingblogs.blogspot.com http://gender-differences-in-networking.blogspot.com
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Re: Christmas Party
12/1/2005 6:44:17 AM
Hi Linda :), thanks for sharing, Lol!!
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