Hello All My AdlandPro friends and Family! Here is Commandment #10 for you today. This is the last of the self-esteem commandments. I hope that you have enjoyed reading all of them and hopefully got something out of them! "Thou shalt sing thine own praises all the days of thy life." When you eat at a fantastic restaurant, do you praise the great cuisine to all your friends and family? Or perhaps you see a great movie, do you tell them about it? Most likely you do - it's only natural to want to "share the good news." But how about when you do something wonderful? Do you give yourself credit for it? Probably not, right? Most of us suffer from the habit of not valuing ourselves. We are very willing to praise others but unable to receive praise ourselves. We feel uncomfortable when others compliment us, as if we are being vain or self-centered. Many religions have taught that self love is an unholy trait, a personal vice, whereas, in reality, love of self is required for the practice of virtue. Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite to being able to love and respect others. All of us have an Inner Critic living inside of us. This is the voice that always looks at the bad, never the good; that instinctively sees what is lacking, not what is present; that recognizes only where we failed, not where we have triumphed. In many of us, this voice makes up most of our "self-talk," which governs largely how we feel about ourselves. And it's important to realize that this Inner Critic is a product of our past - we have unconsciously created it from the negative information we've been fed from our parents, friends, teachers, media, and the outside world. And because we've created it, we also have the power to get rid of it as well! There is another voice inside of us, one we might call the Protector. This is the voice of goodness. It supports our well-being, it nurtures us with thoughts of how talented, kind, generous, loyal, or beautiful we really are. It acknowledges us when we do something right; and when we fall short, it brings us forgiveness and the resolve to improve. Low self-esteem results when the Inner Critic prevails. So the key to high self-esteem is to practice focusing on the Protector. Whatever you put your attention on expands. So make friends with your Protector. Give it a shape, a size, a name -and give it continuous life within you, so that it may overrule your Critic. The Critic's job is to hurt the wounded child within you; the Protector's job is to nurture that wounded child's growth and development. Since both of these voices are literally "creatures of habit", you can choose your thoughts and feelings to be exactly what you wish. If you learn to focus on your best qualities at all times, realizing that under all circumstances you are doing your best given the obstacles you had to deal with, then you'll begin to see the face of the Critic dissolving like the curtain before the Wizard of Oz. You will see clearly the lies and illusions you were fed and begin the most direct route to self-empowerment. Know that in reality you are the good, the true, and the beautiful - and that singing your praises is not only a healthy thing to do, but it is acknowledging who you really are! Resolutions - 1) As you go through each day, become very aware of the voices within you. Learn to recognize whenever your Critic is speaking, and when your Protector is talking to you. You may wish to keep a written journal of these "conversations." 2) Make it a daily practice to develop your Protector. Spend a few minutes each morning and evening learning to praise yourself and pay attention to your good qualities. 3) Seek out people, groups, workshops, or counselors who will assist you in embracing and developing your Protector. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, who are willing to support your new commitment to becoming your best self. -------------------------------------------- Positive affirmations are very important to helping you build up your self-esteem. I have written a forum before on positive affirmations, but in case you did not see it, or you don't remember it, positive affirmations are statements that you write down about yourself that are positive! The best way to do this is to start off by writing things that you do not like about yourself, or negative opinions you have about yourself. For example," I think I am ugly", "I do not like myself", or " I think I am stupid." Now, what you want to do is to take another sheet of paper and rewrite these statements and make them positive statements instead! You may not even believe what you are writing and that is okay for now. Just write, "I like myself", "I am a beautiful person inside and out, and I love myself unconditionally", "I am capable of doing many things well." Make sure to write down at least 12 statements and reverse them. Now that you have these positive affirmations written down, you are to tape the piece of paper somewhere you will be sure to see it every day. Two excellent places are the bathroom mirror and the refrigerator door. Everyday, at least twice a day, you are to read the affirmations, either out loud or to yourself, whichever you prefer, and do this consistently for 30 days. By the end of the 30 days you will be believing what you have written, and will have changed the negative feelings you had about yourself. You just altered the Critic voice through the Protector voice by doing this exercise. One other little exercise I want you to practice doing - when someone gives you a compliment learn to just say "Thank you" and accept the compliment. Many times people with low self-esteem will come up with some sarcastic remark to say; for example someone says,"You are a very pretty girl." Instead of saying "Thank you" as you should have, you say, "I think you need to have your eyes checked!" Learn to just say "Thank You!" and nothing else. Remember you can choose your thoughts and feelings, and since you can choose them you can also change them. Doing the positive affirmations exercise is a way for you to change, and to get rid of, all the negative thinking you have, and replace it with healthy self-esteem. You will feel better about yourself, your life, your future, and you will be successful in whatever you want to do. In ending I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes, some of you may have heard this in my forums before. "There is only one person that can change your life...YOU!" Walt Disney Marilyn L. Ali