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I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you for good. I've
been a good woman to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell.. Your boss called
to tell me that you
had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came
home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and
nails done, cooked your
favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You
came home and ate in
two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
the game. You don't
tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or any
thing. Either you're
cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the
case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER
and I are moving away
to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your
letter. It's true that you
and I have been married for seven years, although a
good woman is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try
to drown out your
constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did
notice when you cut off
all of your hair last week, the first thing that came
to mind was "You look
just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say
anything if you can't say
anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating
pork seven years ago. I
went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee
because the price tag
was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my brother had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
negligee was
$49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work it
out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for
ten million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you
were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you
have the
fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with
your letter that you
wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my
brother was born
Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
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