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Hello All My AdlandPro Friend and Family!
Here is Commandment #3 for you today. If you missed the last 2 make sure you go back and read them!
"Thou shalt not keep company with those more dysfunctional than thyself."
I think we all can remember when we were young and growing up and that "best buddy" we had back then, right? Remember that certain friend you use to hangout with all the time, got in trouble with, and shared all your secrets and feelings with? The 2 of you would play together, laugh together, and sometimes could even read each others minds! The reason you got along so well together was because you shared the same type of values. You understood each other.
As we grow into adults, our needs and values change and become more complex. In doing so, it becomes much harder to find friends like that of our "best buddy". Many times we end up settling for friends and companions who are not a very healthy match for us, and as a result our self-esteem has a tendency to deteriorate.
As we grow older, one of the main areas of compatibility that is important is how we deal with a crisis. We all have periods of growth, of trauma, and stress in our life. But how we deal with these times is very vital to having successful relationships. Of course when our friends are having a crisis in their life it is only normal and natural to want to be there for them. But if your friend(s) are going through alot more trying times than you, or as I say, if they are "drama queens/kings", than you should be wary of that person! You may end up being a caretaker to them, constantly riding on an emotional roller coaster with them, and then your needs are being ignored.
To have a healthy self-esteem, it is better to find friends and partners who can relate to ups and downs in a manner similiar to your own. That way you can be riding on the same roller coaster together! If not, you will eventually say you want off the ride and that will be the end of it. By that time, you just may be sick to your stomach.
So, choosing people with common likes, values, and coping mechanisms is the best way to ensure a much more satisfying journey together.
Resolutions -
1) Make sure to clearly define your own needs and values in all relationships. Let them also know your strengths and weaknesses. Remember you ar just discovering each other, not judging one another.
2) Get to know your friends and companions needs and values too, and also their strengths and weaknesses. Remember you want to try and choose people that have the same outlook on life, and that their coping skills are compatible with yours. This will not take overnight, you will need to take some time to learn each other, but it will be worth it in the longrun.
3) Remember that many times people put on a facade, and are not always who they appear to be. They don't always show their true character right away...so be careful, and get to know what is their true self and the self that is hiding behind a mask.
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Take your time in getting to know people before you trust them and accept them as a "good" friend. Unfortunately, we live in a world where too many people have 2 faces..the one they want you to think is their true self, and the one that really is! The latter may turn out to be someone that you really do not want to know. So, take your time, don't rush...tomorrow is another day. You don't need to get hurt, nor need to be close to someone that can destroy you mentally and emotionally.
Take care and God Bless!
Marilyn L. Ali
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