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Janise,
I know the anguish of having to decide whether to stay in a bad relationship because you don't want to disrupt your children's lives or jeopardize their security. My situation became untenable long before twenty years was up...but I was unhappy for four and that's too long.
I'm glad you have claimed a good life for yourself now and that "life is good everyday". I'm sure your kids are glad, too, or will be when they are old enough to understand if they aren't already. I made the mistake of not telling mine what went wrong when they got old enough. I didn't want to be the kind of parent who put the kids in the middle.
Unfortunately, their natural father disappeared from their lives, so they drew the conclusion that he didn't love them. That erroneous conclusion was very damaging to them and continues to be. In reality, he withdrew to allow them to bond with the dad who would be raising them, my husband Budd. Budd adopted them 24 years ago and has loved them as his own.
We have been fortunate that through the grace and persistence of my ex-husband's new wife, he and I have been able to form a friendly relationship and begin to heal the kids. Letting go of the hurt that he visited on me was key to that, I guess you could call it forgiveness. I don't know that he ever truly understood what he was doing to hurt me, so forgiving him helped me more than him. I'm learning that's the true nature of it.
I'm sure you, too, have had an interesting journey! I've seen your posts elsewhere and am so glad to have you with us here.
Thank you for reminding me that I promised some resources. I'm associated with a woman in my business who provides all kinds of information for people who want or need to leave their relationships and start over. I'll invite her to join us, and post her website here next week. Please come back and get that information.
Thanks for joining us, and welcome to the group!
Cheri
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