Hi Kim,

Since I posted here, I've been stuck on the FAT issue.  Both of my sisters work somewhat in the medical field, the fattest one has been a computer programmer for a pharmaceutical company for 30 years, she's 50 now.  When she was my age 7 years ago, we were in a public restroom together and she had to use the handicap stall (this is the non-disabled sister) because she was so fat she needed to use the wall-bar to sit down and get up.  Then about a year later she fell and broke her ankle in several places, which the doctors said wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't so heavy. 

My other sister works for an oxygen-tank supply office, she has to use a home blood-pressure monitor.  Both of them have had high blood pressure and high cholesterol for years, and one of them has clogged arteries, they are only 49 and 50 now, they've been obese and had these health problems for years.  That's ridiculous.  They weren't always heavy, I don't know why or how people let their weight get so out of control, especially people who know the medical effects of obesity on other people, before it happens to them.

I would never want any obese doctors/nurses or smokers or soda-addicts taking care of me or my parents or kids if we were sick.  If people can find time to go to the store and buy cigarettes and soda and junkfood, why can't they find time to walk 30 minutes a day?  It's not difficult.  It's a lot better than needing a bar on the wall to sit down and get up at age 43, or needing a home blood-pressure monitor at age 47, or dying at age 55 like my aunt and grandmother. 

Doesn't the Bible say something about if you know what time to plant and what time to harvest, why don't you know what time it is in your life?  It's NEVER time to sit and eat and eat and sit (or smoke and drink Mountain Dew all day).

This really bothers you Kathleen, and the more you think about it! A pretty girl I work with Nurse, about age 23, says this too; her Mom is very heavy and she has seen the tendency fall on her and "not" her sisters! She lifted up her pant leg and showed me her legs and I couldn't believe it! They did look pretty chubby but more so under her pant leg. She's a pretty girl and has that certain build where you have really big hips and small on top, so I think she's already challenged. I have always allowed for the matabolism issue, because some are very thin who seem to eat all the time! But you do wonder about the ones who "say" they never eat yet are growing all the time. Here's one really good thing to know...we Do Not need as much food the older we get! We do need less! So, if we stay with the same eating habits we can get larger; in other words we need to cut down with age. Also people usually get less excercies and metabolism can change. As far as people addicted to food and drugs; addiction is a big subject! I will have an eye for these people when I make it to my Counceling career; I know it's a tough issue. It is true that all the while people are destroying themselves; they don't stop! It's like the addiction has become a neurotic behavior that is addressing some hidden pyschic or personality issue and often until these people can be re-programmed, they are very programmed in deep places to fill some hidden needs with their addictions. Like smoking for example, which changes neuro receptors so that your "brain" believes you "need" the nicotine...so it's far more than a simple thought process. I have heard that Chantex for example, works on brain receptors so that people eventually "lose" altogether the desire to smoke, so it's interesting how the chemical make up of our brain can be re-programmed toward addictions, and what a fight to fight against the power of your brain! But for you, the weight of your sisters also has deep meaning; it's threatening to you. And your despisings may be some about this personal threat. If you imagine that the threat exists in you, then the hate of that postential can make you respond to your sisters as if you were responding to the personal threat. Dod you ever see those movies where the kids had a mom so big that she couldn't really leave the house? She could barely walk to a car let alone fit into one. She had more embarrassment than them to go out in public in order to support them in some area. I think people can hate themselves deep down and this self hate can also "promote" the addictions. You'd think people would rather give up the addictions and be free, but they can't see a way out so they keep burying themselves in the addictions which they feel some kind of comfort from. It's sad. These people do need some extra and real help. Consider it a thorn in the side! ha ha! And just as Paul the Apostle had one that buffeted him daily, I too have mine and I think we may all...and Paul's was to keep him humble; to keep him thinking of himself as he really was and not thinking way too much of himself. I do think about this when I think about the things that continue to be a pain or constant fight to me. I guess we do have to fight in this life, Kim

What bothers ME is they try to disparage me for staying in shape, and try to drag me down to packing on more tonnage like they've done to themselves.  It would be easier for them to convince another person to fall into fatness instead of doing something to change their own lifestyles.  The 49-yr old got fat by saying "I'm not as fat as the other one YET so I have nothing to worry about." Well now she is and she does.

Hello Dearest Kim!

Here I am finally to answer your personal questions...

1. What is my biggest driving motive in life and can I identify ways that I pursue this motive?

My biggest driving motive is my own personal growth so that I can always get closer to my True Self and being able to express it more and more always in my daily relationships with people and all living things... I am really driven to accomplish my Soul Mission of Life and, I invest lots of my time in meditation, I regularly get involved in workshops... anything that I feel connect with who I am and that I feel will help me move forward on my path of Life.

2. If money were no issue, what is 1 thing I would love to do or accomplish?

I think I would keep focusing on my growth path, but I would spend much more time helping people around me and the Earth as a whole through some heartfelt causes and especially in bringing people more in contact with Nature as a way of discovering their own path of life and getting connected to their Divine Self... for me Nature has been the key and it could certainly help many other people... I would contribute in a Spiritual Project like the one of my friend Jill - an educational center "Treasured Acres" at Mount Shasta... The Mountain of Love.

3. Am I usually happy go lucky, or conservative, or critiquing, or what is my general emotional state, and why if I know?

I would say that my main emotional state is contemplative... I am an idealist, I am a dreamer and I love to take Time to look around me at all the Beauties of Nature and the Universe, take Time to get closer to Nature or Wildlife in trying to get a connection... I tend to Love all forms of Life and people... but, in many occasions it drives me crazy to meet people through our so fast and crazy way of life in our daily routines... based on performance and results... not too much consideration for the person or any kind of life form around.

4. What are my strengths of personality?

Open-minded, good listener, focus on service, loving people and always present to help if needed and this is something I can do, compassionate, generosity.

5. What are my weaknesses that I'd like to overcome?

Impatient, perfectionism, much too tough onto myself, lack of confidence in myself even though I am aware of my potential, fear of disturbing always, fear of not doing the right thing always, fear of showing up openly my true nature and my true beliefs... feel so different than most people so often.

6. What do "I" think people like most about me?

They feel my good and loving nature, my generosity, my presence and listening ability without judgment, and that they can count on me if I give my word.

7. If I could start life over again, what 1 thing would I strive to do or become or accomplish?

Honestly, my path of Life has been quite tough on me in many occasions but there is nothing that I feel I could do differently or better... I feel that I always did the best I could and, that all has been with a purpose always leading me forward in getting closer to my True Nature, my True Self and in my Loving ability... I can deeply feel that I am following the path of my Soul.

8. Am I satisfied with the results of my life at this point or is something still missing or undone?

I am satisfied with my life so far... but, there is still a lot to do, especially in the actual years of profound transformation here on planet Earth. I feel that I probably have much more to do still than I have done so far... So far, my life has been more focused on my personal growth so that I can now enter a new phase in which I will be able to help others to make this important transition.

9. What is one or more things that I feel are mine to learn in this life?

The most important aspect, I think, has been to learn to discover who I am, know myself, learn to trust in my own potential and to express my uniqueness in the service of others... and, to learn so much about our entire Universe.

10. Was I really given all the love and security I needed as a child or did I have to learn to provide for myself in some measure or ways in these areas?

I was certainly given lots of love as a child but, it was also most certainly not expressed in the way I was expecting or looking for... so, I had a lot of work to do in learning to provide for myself... again, here, Nature has been in so many occasions a source of pure and divine Love so powerful that I was crying, feeling overwhelmed by so much Love... and, in the beginning, I was not believing I could be worthy of so much Love. This is simply amazing!

So, here it is My Friend... My Respect and Love for You My Friend Kim has made me come here and answer these profound questions... and, I could not do it without being True to myself... so, it was quite a challenge for me to come here and expressed my Heart and Soul here publicly - reason for taking me some time to show up, I was not sure I wanted to do this... but, I also know that since last week, in this very powerful energy of the full Moon of May and the Wesak, I have entered in a new period of growth and now is the time to start expressing myself much more... so, there is a lot to come My Friend!

Thanks for providing this space to express a little more about who I am!

With Friendship and Love,

Blessings,

Alain

Kathleen, I seem to hear you saying, what bothers me is how this affects "me," meaning you, and that's ok, I'm sure you're not the only one who has this issue in family and I'm sure it comes with a certain package of emotions and feelings for all. I can imagine the subtle fears a person might have that family genetics may kick in sometime and make me blossom! Then there's the big issue of embarrassment and let's face it; it is an issue that confronts people in this and many other circumstances. Now I have a story (ofcourse)! I met my lifetime best friend in 5th grade; a boy named John who by the way, is the name of my last 7 yr old. He was to me like the friend that sticks closer than a brother! We had such such fun and good times and lots and lots and lots of good talks! And still today he sends me X-Mas cards and I have talked to him not too long ago. Well, he was quite chubby and had a pretty flat nose, and this nose got him alot of ridicule in school so that once the teacher sent him out of the room to councel the class! John was a comedian and kept me rolling forever in laughter! I imagined even as a kid that his comedy was partly a defense for his self esteem, but nevertheless, I loved it and him. I loved this guy (friend) so darn much that... Well, ofcourse I was faced with being his friend in the face of the whole school! And I do remember facing the choice in my heart and mind whether to be faithful to my great friend or to buckle under worries about reputation and the cruel jokes that I was present to withstand. Something rose up in me and said, I will stand against the world for this great guy! Him and his great character are worth far more than all the mean and cruel jokes and even more than me having to take some of these attacks. Let them all say what they will I thought, meanwhile me and John will be having a great time and not worrying about them. In older years John ended up having quite a group of friends around him; why not? He was and still is a hell of a person and a riot to be around. I do imagine that very often character is built through suffering in this life. But Kathleen, I do understand that the things that bother you are very real and are even nearer to home for you. Even though people can say that looks don't matter, the real truth is, they do play a big part in our self esteem, self-image, and whether we feel accepted or not by other people plays a big part in how we feel about ourselves! And what our sisters look like can affect us in these ways no less since they are known by others as our family. It's just an earthly reality, and probably even for many who say looks don't matter. So what can you do? Stay away from them; feel disgusted when you see them? Yet they are your family. The issue of what "they" can do is not as simple as it seems. The underlying issues that caused them to become a food addict in the first place are now "fed" even more by all the stigma and issues that being overweight have brought on. For example, if they had self-esteem issues before, they would only be intensified now! And the thing is, it's not easy at all to overcome addictions; regardless of what kind of addiction it is, they get a psychological grip on you and even a physiological one, so that your own body chemistry is now fighting against you! I've had addictions and now their power and how impossible it feels to fight and overcome them, all the while people say to you, just stop. There's hardly a reality to just stopping; it doesn't hardly happen that way. Just stopping means stopping all the psychic reasons that have me in this addiction! And those reasons don't just stop. I learned an interesting thing in Psych which is a major underlying truth I believe for all people. Both our highest wholeness and our deepest psychosis is highly dependent on 2 most general things...our human need for love and security. We both fall into many kinds of neurosis and are delivered from them by either our basic human needs for love and security being met or unmet. So if being overweight is naturally keeping from us love and a sense of personal security that we might feel more of if we were not overweight, it's a snow-ball effect and a viscious cycle where our decreased self esteem, which is even greater now than what it was when it drove us to addiction, is pushing us further into the addiction. We bury ourselves in the addiction because it offers the only solace we can find, and it isn't always a fully conscious thing but a drive of our unconscious! Love which is unconditional acceptance, is a healer. The way out for people with addictions is paved with love. Love encourages and criticism defeats. When the one girl says, I'm still ok because I'm not as fat as the other, what she is really likley doing is trying to convince her self-esteem that since someone else is worse than her, she still may have a little worth left and a little hope. People also joke to try to cover up and blow over a very hurt self esteem. True healing comes from the inside out; and addictions did too. The chronic alcoholic is no different; he just has a different addiction. You, because you are their sister, family, and also are not overweight like them, can be a source of light and hope for them. I do really understand and empathize with all the feelings and ways this can affect you' it's a reailty and would be and probably is for many. The irony is that just as some kind of inner conflicts drive people to addictions, the responses they get from people either drive them further or more rarely deliver them, when more rarely they receive the unconditional love and acceptance they really need that they are getting less and less of due to their addictions and their effects. I always say, "Love conquers all," and believe it so much because it's the one thing people need so much that can make them become all they have potential to be, as if it's the most ideal growing environment. A lack of love is also the most ideal environment to take people down and destroy them. People don't eat themselves into harmful health because they are hungry or simply love to eat, but usually because something deep down is missing or unfullfilled. I can today see this reality in addictions I've had before; I couldn't until I learned or was taught about the underlying reasons that aren't so visible to either the addict or other people. It was patience and love that helped me out of the forrest, and at times in life it's seemed like God was the only one who could or would be there for me, but then it's also looked like he's brought some rare person into my life at times to be his hand of deliverance extended. What do you say? love kim