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Bent But Not Broken
11/8/2008 11:28:58 AM
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Broken Spirit
Trina L.C.
Sonnenberg
There are those who walk among us whose only delight
in life is to break the spirit of others. These people have no distinguishing
marks to identify them by; they appear to be average people, but they are not.
They seem to have the need to build themselves up, not by striving to be good
people, but by tearing others down.
Evidence of this can be seen in the millions of women who are
abused by their partners. Psychological abuse is the most devastating and
the hardest to prove, but it is the most prevalent form of abuse being exercised
on people today. The injury is not visable, like a bruise, but it is there, and
the damage lasts much longer.
To damage one's psyche is to achieve
control over that person. To convince a person that they have no value, or to
doubt their own mind, is to achieve control. But what are the methods used to do
this?
The abuser becomes the accuser. That is to say that the abuser
will accuse their victim of perpetrating assaults on them. The abused is accused
of committing the abuse. Typically, if the abuser is cheating, they accuse their
victim of being the cheater, etc.. They wrap up all of their own faults and
throw them onto their victim so that they can feel better about themselves. What
is good for the gander is only good for the gander. 'I can cheat, you cannot.
Or, I cheat because of you.'
This is another abuse tactic; 'You
make me do the things that I do to you. If you would just be perfect, in my
eyes, I would have no reason to act the way I do.'
Another
psychological tactic is to keep the victim mentally off balance. Convincing them
that they are crazy. This is done in many subversive ways. Abusers will act
contrary to their own words, and then claim to have never said what they did.
Or, they will take an action, then deny ever doing it, telling their victim
things like: 'You're crazy! I never did that! You did that, or you said that,
not me.'
This type of abuse is not limited to intimate
relationships either. No, not by any means. It can occur in any setting; at
work, in churches, and communities; really, any place where people have ongoing
contact with one another. In its simplest form, it can be seen in slanderous
remarks made by one person, or a group of people, against another. Gossip is a
form of psychological abuse. The spreading of false information to change the
opinions of others with regard to the victim. Just look at the last presidential
campaign. It was fraught with the spreading of lies to change the opinions of a
whole nation of people. This type of behavior is designed to make a person, pack
up and quit, go home and wonder why they've become so unpopular, or how to
repair the damage that has been done. It leaves the victim wondering why the
source of the negativity hates them so much. Of course, in the presidential
campaign, the answer is obvious; they want to win the election, but in private
life, among communities of people, the answer is seldom so obvious.
Let
us not forget that those who spread the rumors that they've heard are just as
guilty as the person who made them up in the first place. Just because you've
heard something doesn't make it true. The best course of action to take when a
rumor has been passed on to you is to go to the subject of that rumor and ask
them what their side of the story is.
These people, the abusers, are
attempting to build themselves up by tearing down their victim. 'Look world!
I am better than they are.' When they have no legitimate ammunition, they
take their own behaviors and misconduct and accuse their victim of those deeds.
It is my opinion that this goes on because the abuser is wrapped up in jealousy;
jealousy of their victim. They wish they could be more like them, and since they
lack the capacity to honestly emulate them, they trash them instead.
I
have been a victim of these types of assaults from within my own community. I
know who my abusers are. And, I have finally come to know why they have chosen
me as their victim. That gives me power.
They have gone on the war path
against me because I am the opposite of what they are. Because I stand up for
injustice; because I am not afraid to call a spade a spade, and have the courage
of my convictions. I stand up for myself and others.
I have been the
subject of many untruthful blog posts, local gossip, and have received threats
in my email and private messenger. Just this morning I received an email from
someone I do not even know, calling me a liar and a fraud. Yesterday I received
a private message telling me that my husband is a crook, and that I am a liar. I
was also informed that I am being watched. These people are trying to
silence me. They want to scare me into keeping quiet about a truth they do not
want anyone else to hear. So, they've made their sins mine.
The thing
that these people don't seem to realize is that my years as a domestic abuse
victim, and survivor, have
taught me how to deal with psychological abuse. I have learned to see it for
what it is, and to not let it affect me in a way that would provide them their
desired result.
I know who I am, and I like that person very much.
Nothing that they can say or do will change that, and if others choose to
believe the garbage being said about me, and to formulate their opinions based
on lies, then I don't care. If someone is going to decide that I am a bad person
without ever bothering to get to know me, then that is their loss, not mine.
The only real rub here is that since this negativity has been
proliferated on the Internet, it has had a negative affect on my business,
making my financial situation more dire than before. It has also had a negative
affect on my husband's business locally. He used to be the busiest carpenter
around, but now no one calls him. I would have the phone ringing all day long,
with people looking to talk to him about doing work for them. Now the only phone
calls that I receive are from my mortgage holders and other creditors because I
can't pay my bills. So, if their intent was to ruin my financial situation,
they've won, I guess, but they have not broken my spirit. They never will
break my spirit.
Copyright © 2008
The Trii-Zine Ezine
http://www.ezines1.com/triizine
About the Author:
Trina L.C.
Sonnenberg
Publisher - The Trii-Zine Ezine - Your Trusted Source for
Internet Business and Marketing Information. EST 2001. ISSN#
1555-2276
Author of: My Journey A Lifetime of Verse, ISBN: 978-0-61516405-2
Co-Owner: Internet Marketing Mavens
http://internetmarketing-mavens.com
Keywords:
psychological abuse, slander, domestic abuse, gossip
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