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Dear All
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails over the years........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every beer can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates, Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water Buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
My wife can no longer buy petrol without taking me along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in her back seat when she's filling up.
My wife can no longer go shopping at malls because someone will drug her with a perfume sample and rob her.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, my wife can't even pick up the $5.00 she found dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath her car to grab her leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way... a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with a low IQ and who have infrequent sexual activity always read forum posts with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
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