Are you an invisible diner..?
You've walked into a restaurant, sat down and your order has been taken, and you're looking forward to a nice meal. But that's where the process stalls. Anticipation turns to bemusement, then frustration. You've reached the 40-minute-waiting-mark. "Excuse me, is our entree on the way?" If this sounds familiar, you're one of the dining forgotten. You've become a transparent diner.
So why does this happen? It's because you are unmemorable. You sit quietly, order politely, and wait patiently. But in today's dining environment this is not good enough. So now it's time to fight back. The secret is to make yourself memorable at the time of ordering.
WAITRESS: "May I take your order, please?"
YOU: "Lovely. I'd like the (begin barking) woof! woof! woof! risotto please," now slap yourself across the face and sing at the top of your voice, "I'm a yankee doodle dandy, a yankee doodle dandy..."
WAITRESS: "Errrrr, OK, sir. And for you madam?"
YOUR WIFE: "I think I'll have...(make a fart noise with your hand under your armpit) the chicken breast" shouting, "Geronimoooooooo!" and swing your handbag around your head and bang the table.
Of course, you can enlarge on this script as you expand your repertoire. Oh, I can hear all the excuses: "But we'll be embarrassed", or "but I'm a Supreme Court Judge." Well, snap out of it. Cry-babies go to bed without dinner, unless you count the Macca's drive-through on the way home.
This technique can be used in any service scenario. But remember not to use it at dinner parties, because if anyone has a dining room large enough to overlook guests, they probably have servants who will throw you into the street.