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Most of us were taught that having a
realistic opinion of who we are is basic to sound mental health. But is this necessarily true? Would we do better to have self-illusions?
The assumption is that normal, well-adjusted people have realistic views of their own potentials. And we also assume that folks who haven't managed to develop realistic self-concepts are either neurotic, or possibly somewhat insane.
But are these assumptions true? I would have to say no. My 30+ years of helping ordinary people achieve extraordinary levels of personal excellence has proven that actually the exact opposite is true!
The healthiest, happiest, most unlimited people I've known are actually totally unrealistic about their self-concepts. In short -- they have what realists would call unrealistically optimistic illusions about their own capabilities and potential.
But is this healthy? Let's view the research and clinical evidence: When they take psychological tests, these unrealistically optimistic people consistently do several things:
1. They tend to consistently exaggerate their positive qualities,
2. They consistently report seeing themselves as more ethical, more creative, more imaginative, and more intelligent than they really are, and
3. If asked to acknowledge their flaws, they tend to dismiss them as unimportant.
Yet interviews of these same optimistic folks reveal that they are very well-adjusted and happy -- and not focused on any negative aspects of their own personality.
So what about those who are more realistic about themselves and others?
This may come as quite a surprise. The research shows that though these folks have a more realistic viewpoint -- they often tend to suffer from depression and negativity. They are also less likely to achieve their goals.
This indicates that having an exaggerated view of your abilities and potential is better for your mental well-being than being realistic about your personal limitations.
Actually -- having unrealistically high optimism about your self tends to increase your motivation and persistence. And it therefore also increases the probability you'll achieve your goals. And this obviously leads to more satisfying life experiences.
** Enter Neuroscience
Modern neuroscience has identified the portion of the brain that maintains our self-concept. It's the frontal lobe of the cortex located right behind your forehead.
Interestingly, the frontal lobe is also the crossroad of your brains emotional centers. Modern EEG studies have shown that negative emotions such as fear and anger register in the right portion of your frontal lobe. Positive emotions such as happiness, on the other hand, activate your left frontal lobe.
So what? Some people are born having a naturally low activation of their left frontal lobe -- the happy emotions part of their brain.
And as you might predict, these folks tend to be committed realists. They are self-judging, and frequently have less success achieving their goals. If this is you -- you may also have been labeled shy or withdrawn as a child.
If you ARE a realist who would rather be an optimist, the following techniques will help you switch your brain around in the desired direction.
** Self-Reflection -- A Tool for Positive Change
Although your brain sustains your self awareness -- it did not create it. The prefrontal cortex is only your self-awareness hardware. The software behind it is your own personal imagery and self-reflection.
You can buff up your self-concept by talking to yourself about yourself. Years of research have established that conscious self-reflection and self-talk are very powerful problem-solving and personal growth tools.
Do you have a history of depression or negative feelings about your self and your potential? Self-talk is a long-proven tool for overcoming that old programming.
** A Powerful Self-Talk Exercise
Begin by becoming aware of the messages you're giving yourself. If you discover a lot of negative thoughts popping out of your subconscious mind, don't put yourself down.
This is just old programming, and it CAN be overcome. It will take some effort, but pick one of your negative assumptions and start to consistently challenge it using conscious self talk. *I'll never make a friend* becomes *I'm basically a friendly person, and can make new friends.*
This is NOT some Pollyanna approach -- it's actually a very powerful, proven-effective mental reprogramming method.
** Activate Your Left Frontal Lobe
The next thing you will want to do is to activate your left frontal lobe -- the side responsible for positive feelings, optimism, and those great unrealistic feelings about your own potential.
There's undeniable scientific proof you can activate your left frontal lobe by simply acting happy.
EEG brain scans have shown that laughter is a strong activator of the left frontal lobe -- and so is the genuine kind of smile that makes crinkles around your eyes. But polite social smiles do *not* activate the same portions of your brain.
Go look at yourself in the mirror and practice smiling. Watch the muscles around your eyes. Smile so that your facial skin gathers inward toward your eye sockets. This is called a *Duchenne smile,* after the 19th century French neurologist who first observed the difference between a genuine smile and a social smile.
Duchenne smiles have been proven by EEG scans to activate the portion of your brain associated with happy, optimistic feelings. And each time you activate this portion of your brain, you strengthen specific neural tracts connected to positive, optimistic thinking.
Give it a try. The present moment is your Point of Power. Whatever you dream of doing in your life -- just begin today and refuse to quit. There is greatness in
you. Just stop being realistic, and let your true self out.
DR.JILL AMMON-WEXLER
Blessings to you my friends, kathy martin
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