DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS (or the uncertainty of the English
language)

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did all of
my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well son, you must have got it from your
mother, 'cause I still have mine.'

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce
Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't
like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really
good with the kids'.

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you'. The old man says without
hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1.    All of the DNA is the same.
2.    2. There are no dental records.

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.'

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
feeling. 'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor
used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'OOPS '



While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
husband's advice.  'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a
bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.