THE OLDER CROWD

A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know,
'that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?'

'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
I'm wondering , t hen,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'.'

***********************

An older gentleman was
on the operating table
awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son;
do your best
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if s omething happens to me,
your mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife....'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging:

Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.

---------------------------------

The older we get,
the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for.

---------------------------------

Some people
try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why'
I look this way.

I've traveled a long way
and some of the roads weren't paved.

********************

When you are dissatisfied
and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.

-------------------------------

One of the many things
no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change
from being young.

<><><><><><><><><>

Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.

<><><><><><><><><>

First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
you forget to pull it down.

---------------------------------

Long ago
when men cursed
and beat the ground with stick s,
it was called witchcraft...

Today, it's called golf.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two old guys
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm
looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where
I was going.'

The second old guy says ,
'That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too.
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The first old guy says, 'Well,
maybe I can help you find her.
What does she look like?'

' The second old guy says,
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes,
long legs,
and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'

To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours.'

*********************

Lord,
Keep Your arm around my shoulder,
and, Your hand over my mouth!

The phrase Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and hand over my mouth, was intended for me. I have a tendency to be outspoken.

Something to brighten your day.. This is funny. Who do you think is right?

SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike

English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two

groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves

whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group

was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the

feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers

is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for

possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending

half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be

Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time

they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a

little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Hi Jean

Well, we'd get along just fine then.  that was my exact thoughts.

 

Hello Sandy,
You have quite a collection of chuckles here!