What is bullying? Bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying things to have power over another person. Some of the ways they bully other people are by: calling them names, saying or writing nasty things about them, leaving them out of activities, not talking to them, threatening them, making them feel uncomfortable or scared, taking or damaging their things, hitting or kicking them, or making them do things they don't want to do. Have any of these things happened to you? Have you done any of these things to someone else? Really, bullying is wrong behaviour which makes the person being bullied feel afraid or uncomfortable. Why do some people bully? There are a lot of reasons why some people bully. They may see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge. Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. They may be being bullied themselves. Some bullies may not even understand how wrong their behaviour is and how it makes the person being bullied feel. Many blessings to you, kathy martin

Hi Kathy, I was married to a bully for over 11 years before I finally got a clue. What I have learned is that hurting people hurt people. Just about all the problems a person has can be traced back to childhood and couple with a fear of confronting it as an adult. Thanks for the invite,

I think you've been reading my website and the "about me" section of my profile. If not then this is yet again a well timed forum of which you seem to have some hidden power of knowing all about me and my past! LOL Serious subject Kathy and thank you for sharing

Hi Kathy, here is an article on bullies that might help answer your question: "The serial bully displays behaviour congruent with many of the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Characterised by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity and self-importance, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, people with narcissistic personality disorder overestimate their abilities and inflate their accomplishments, often appearing boastful and pretentious, whilst correspondingly underestimating and devaluing the achievements and accomplishments of others. Often the narcissist will fraudulently claim to have qualifications or experience or affiliations or associations which they don't have or aren't entitled to. Belief in superiority, inflating their self-esteem to match that of senior or important people with whom they associate or identify, insisting on having the "top" professionals or being affiliated with the "best" institutions, but criticising the same people who disappoint them are also common features of narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists react angrily to criticism and when rejected, the narcissist will often denounce the profession which has rejected them (usually for lack of competence or misdeed) but simultaneously and paradoxically represent themselves as belonging to the profession they are vilifying. Fragile self-esteem, a need for constant attention and admiration, fishing for compliments (often with great charm), an expectation of superior entitlement, expecting others to defer to them, and a lack of sensitivity especially when others do not react in the expected manner, are also hallmarks of the disorder. Greed, expecting to receive before and above the needs of others, overworking those around them, and forming romantic (sic) or sexual relationships for the purpose of advancing their purpose or career, abusing special privileges and squandering extra resources also feature. People with narcissistic personality disorder also have difficulty recognizing the needs and feelings of others, and are dismissive, contemptuous and impatient when others share or discuss their concerns or problems. They are also oblivious to the hurtfulness of their behaviour or remarks, show an emotional coldness and a lack of reciprocal interest, exhibit envy (especially when others are accorded recognition), have an arrogant, disdainful and patronizing attitude, and are quick to blame and criticise others when their needs and expectations are not met." I hope this helps, John

Hi Kathy, Thanks for your dedication to writing these forums. I enjoy reading them a lot. I'm sure that I have been both bullied and a bully at some point. Nobody's perfect, but it's good to be able to recognize the when and where. It's funny because I was just trying to explain to someone that there is such a thing as being an intellectual bully. Like the physical bully, these folks tend to expose themselves while drinking, but instead of physical aggression, there's this "whatever you think you know, i know it better mentality". Or, better still, the condescending tone meant to belittle someone for not being able to recite some mundane detail. The topic of conversation might be so specific to the intellectual bully's personal interests and experiences that they are more than likely the only person who cares to remember. Conversations are always controlled by the intellectual bully through the use of carefully thought out questions used as a setup for the bullying. There's many topics in the arsenal and hardly a moment to catch your breath. :)