Lawyers should never ask a grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a prosecuting lawyer called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and  asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know me?"  She responded , "Yes I do know you Mr Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot but haven't the brains to realize you'll never be anything more than a two-bob pen pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know the defence lawyer?" She again replied, "Yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build normal relationships with anyone and his legal practice is one of the worst in the entire country. He's cheated on his wife with at least three different women, one of them being your sister! Yes, I know him."

The defence lawyer almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you ask her if she knows me, you'll do @%*# time."

Hi John,

First of all, Thanks so much for the Invite to your Forum.

Having had a Wonderful Grandmother who would have done this very thing had she ever been called to a Witness Stand, I can definitely relate to this one.  Thanks for the Smiles.

Here's a few more that I thought you might like...

Little Logan and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated round the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't need to," the little boy replied.

"Of course you do!" his mother insisted, "We say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!"

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A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?"

Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll figure it out."

"OK," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, 'Take fifty cents worth of ground beef' ..."

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A young boy went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked at the items she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "queen size."

Excited, the boy turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look, Grandma! You wear the same size as your bed."

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HAHAHAHAHAHA

THANKS GUYS WHAT A HOOT!

Hi John,

I received this 'funny' via email 3 days ago and
passed it to everyone in my database.  It is one
of the funniest pieces I have seen for a long time
and gave me a deep belly laugh!

Thanks for bringing it to your forum.

Jen