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Linda Harvey

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2/26/2008 10:50:30 PM



Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

 There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in the South.

 There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in the South, plus a couple no one's ever seen before.

 If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

 "Onced" and "twiced" are actually words.

 It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

 People actually grow and eat okra.

 "Fixinto" is one word.

 There is no such thing as Lunch. You eat Breakfast, Dinner and Supper.

 Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. And yes, we do like a little tea with our sugar!

 Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

 "Djeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

 You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what

  time it is.

 You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

 You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.



 You measure distance in minutes.

 You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

 You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store."

 All the festivals across the states are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

 You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

 You know what a Dawg is.

 You carry jumper cables in your car ...for your own car.

 You only own four spices: salt, pepper, tobasco and ketsup,

 The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages for local gossip and sports.

 You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

 You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."

 You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

 Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or "off to Wally World."

 You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.

 A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop ... it's Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"

 Fried catfish is the other white meat.

 We don't need no stinking driver's Ed ... If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

 You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from the South (and those who just wish they were).

 Not everyone can be Southern.

 It's an art form and a gift from God!

Nick Sym

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Jim Allen

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2/27/2008 11:04:32 AM



May Wisdom and the knowledge you gained go with you,

Jim Allen III
Skype: JAllen3D
Everything You Need For Online Success

2/27/2008 11:24:37 AM

"Southern Born and Southern Bred"!  Thanks for the Southern freshness.

Here's one for the ladies:

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:

1.   Clean skin.

2.   A winning smile.

3.   That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:

1.   "Yes, ma'am."

2. "Yes, sir."

3. "Why, no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:

1.   "Y'all come back!"

2.   "Well, bless your heart."

3. "Drop by when you can."

4. "How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:

1.   Humidity

2.   Humidity

3.   Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:

1.   The beach

2. The rivuh

3.   The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:

1.   Colorful hi-heel sandals

2.   Strapless sun dresses

3. ; ; Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:

1.   Honey

2.   Darlin'

3. Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:

1.   Fried Green Tomatoes

2.   Driving Miss Daisy

3. Steel Magnolias

4. Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:

1.   Baptist

2.   Methodist

3.   Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:

1.   Red-eye gravy

2. Grits

3. Eggs

4. Country ham

5. Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

1.   Chawl'stn

2. S'vanah

3.   Foat Wuth

4.   N'awlins

5. Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:

1.   Men in uniform.

2. Men in tuxedos

! 3. Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

1.   The Mall

2.   The Country Club

3. The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

1.   Having bad hair and nails

2.   Having bad manners

3. Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows i! nstinct ively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got troubles is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's troubles are a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, eve! n if on ly by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southern! ess: Ta ke two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!

If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little pea-pickin heart!


Now Bless ya'lls hearts,
2/27/2008 11:31:29 AM

Linda, I just have to add this one.  You caught me needing some laughs today.

Never Choke in a restaurant in the South

 Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they
talk about their moonshine operation.

 Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real
distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

 The woman shakes her head no.

 Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

 The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

 The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down
her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction
flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks
slowly back to the bar.

 His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick
Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Oh, and what is an armadillo called in the South?  Possum on the half-shell.



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