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Amanda Martin-Shaver

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9/11/2007 11:13:56 AM


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner,
I held her hand and said,I've got something to tell you.   
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt
in her eyes. 
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I
had to let her know what I was thinking.  "I want a divorce!"   
I raised the topic calmly.  She didn't seem to be
annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why"?   
I avoided her question.  This made her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and shouted at me you are not a man!  
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping.   
I knew she wanted to find out whathad happened to our marriage.    But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew.

I didn't love her anymore..I just pitied her!  With
a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car,
and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it
and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had
spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources
and energy but I could not take back what I had
said for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.    The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came
back home very late and found her writing something at the table.  I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table
writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her
divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from
me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.    She requested that in that one month we both
struggle to live as normal a life as possible.
Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him
with our broken marriage.  This was agreeable to me.

But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to
the front door every morning.    I thought she was
going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew
about my wifes divorce conditions.  She laughed
loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what
tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she
said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.  So when I carried her out
on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.  Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.  From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms.    She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our
son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.   
I put her down outside the door.    She went to wait for the
bus to work.  I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.   
I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.  I realized she was not young any more.  There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying!  Our marriage had taken its toll on her.
For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense
of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and
sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps
the everyday work-out made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on
quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one.    Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger.   
I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that
was the reason why I could carry her more easily.    Suddenly it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's
time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. 

My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was
afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her  in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her
body tightly, it  was just like our wedding day.  But
her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last
day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move
a step. Our son had gone to school.  I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. 
I drove to office..jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door.  I was afraid any delay would make
me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened
the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want
the divorce anymore.  She looked at me, astonished.
Then touched my forehead.  Do you have a fever?   
She said.  I moved her hand off my head.   

Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce.
My marriage life was boring probably because she
and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more.
Now I realize that since I carried her into my home
on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up.    She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door
and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet
of flowers for my wife.  The salesgirl asked me what
to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry
you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of your lives are what really matter
in a relationship.    It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah.    These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.  So find
time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.   

Do have a real happy marriage!  If you don't share
this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you
just might save a marriage.


Patricia Bartch

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9/11/2007 11:31:40 AM

My gosh Amanda!!!  What a nice, lovely story!  I have tears in my eyes right now.  What a clever, loving way for the WIFE to solve her marital problems!  

I will think about this story for a long time.  I am definately going to put it in my favorites!   May I Copy and paste it to send to my family and friends?

THANK YOU AMANDA, you have brightened my day. I am glad my 20 year marriage is a good one and that I adore and love my husband!!!

God Bless and keep you Amanda, Pat

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Amanda Martin-Shaver

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9/11/2007 12:32:02 PM
Hello Pat,

Thanks for visiting and posting.
You sure can copy and paste to share. I was given
it from a friend of mine.
I tried to find 'fitting photos online to go with
the story to give it more visual impact


Steven Suchar

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9/11/2007 1:55:15 PM
Hi Amanda!

Thank You for bringing this story to us today. :)  It is bittersweet though and I'm happy that it wound up sweet. lol.  Unfortunately, in today's world, most do not wind up sweet. :(

Yes...that picture to your left is still going strong after 27 years of marriage.  We are still smiling at and hugging each other as if it were our first date. lol

I also wish this for those who are intending to get married too!!

Have a pleasant day...your OREO friend Steven.

marriage-2.jpg marriage image by tattoedangel25
Amanda Martin-Shaver

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9/11/2007 2:07:40 PM
Hello Steven aka 'Oreo Man'

Thank you for visiting and sharing your advice
on what makes your marriage a happy and
successful one.

Kind regards


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