Hello Ms. Hoeppner

   I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your sons. While this is a very painful experience, I believe that you are heading in the right direction. It is very important to be able to talk about yor feelings. Especially with others with similar experiences. Over my years of being involved in mental health issues. on both sides of the fence, I have seen many times where just a few words at the right time in someones life has saved lives.

   Many people who suffer with depression and other mental disorders feel like they are all alone in the world. This aloneness is often what causes them to finally reach the point of not wanting to live anymore.

    H, I want you to know that you have a message here that can help save lives. Tell your story to all who will listen. Doing this will not only help others but it will also help you as well. Knowng that you have done something that may have actually saved a life is a wonderful boost to your self esteem. Understand that you are not alone in this world. There are people everywhere that need to hear your story.

    The following is some information that might help guide you along your path to healing and understandng. If you ever need anything to help you get through your bad days, please let me know.

  Thank You Ms. Hoeppner, for sharing your story with us here.

 

Suicide Prevention   Warning Signs   If You Are Feeling Suicidal   African American Suicide Fact Sheet (PDF)   Facts About Suicide in the United States (PDF)   Survivors of Suicide Fact Sheet (PDF)   Elderly Suicide Fact Sheet (PDF)   Understanding and Helping the Suicidal Individual (PDF)   If You Are Worried about Someone Else   Understanding Crisis Theory   Links Between Suicide and Depression (PDF)   Suicide Myths   Youth Suicide Facts (PDF)   Suicide Resources   Media Guidelines for Suicide Reporting   Helpline 2-1-1   2-1-1 Big Bend Home Suicide Statistics in the U.S.A. Currently there are slightly more than 30,000 suicides annually (83 suicides per day; or 1 suicide every 17 minutes), with 12 of every 100,000 Americans killing themselves. Suicide rates in the U.S.A. can best be characterized as mostly stable over time with a slight tendency toward an increase. Rates of suicide are highest in the western regions with the Mountain States highest. Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death. Males complete suicide at a rate four times that of females. Firearms are currently the most often utilized method of suicide by essentially all groups (males, females, young, old, white, and non-white). Suicide rates have traditionally decreased in times of war and increased in times of economic crisis. Suicide rates are highest among the divorced, separated, and widowed and lowest among the married. Rates of suicide are highest among the elderly (age 65 and over). Elderly adults have rates of suicide of more than 50% higher than that of the nation as a whole. Youth (ages 15-24) suicide rates increased more than 200% from the 1950s to the late 1970s. Since the late 1970s, suicide rates for youth have remained stable or slightly decreased. Suicide ranks third as a cause of death among young (15-24) Americans, behind accidents and homicide. White suicide rates are approximately twice those of non-whites. Native Americans (American Indians) are the racial/ethnic group with the highest overall suicide rate, but tribal differences exist. Blacks and Hispanics, when ranked among worldwide statistics and reporting, exhibit lower risk of suicides. Psychological autopsy studies reflect that more than 90% of completed suicides had one more more mental disorders. Reference: American Association of Suicidology, "Some Facts About Suicide in the U.S.A."2001.

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Hello,

It's a long time since I made the post 'suicide is painful', over a year now.
Only once in that time have I self harmed, but my depression has got worse, my mental health has got worse and my anorexia has got worse. When I think of suicide now I firstly think of my children, which I never did before. When you have those thoughts you don't really think of anyone but yourself, but now I instantly think of my kids, then I think about being locked up in a cell and the whole thing terrifies me but unfortunately, the last time I self harmed about a month ago I decided the best thing to do was to not tell anyone. My husband noticed and was really mad with me.
Presently I have real bad depression and real bad social phobia. I don't have any off line friends as I just cannot socialise. I have terrible panic attacks. I am suffering from paranoia and anxiety. My anorexia has got worse because when I'm depressed I really cannot eat at all, I am weighing 80lbs and don't feel well at all. My mental health has a huge impact on my relationship with my husband, he cannot cope with it and at the moment isn't very supportive at all, in fact I am afraid that we may split up!
Part of me doesn't really like discussing my private life on-line but at the same time I may be helping someone else to feel less alone.
I hope one day to be 'normal' but right now I can't see that happening because my social phobia prevents me from leaving the house.
I am fortunate that my kids are very supportive, of course they are concerned about me but they are also very supportive and they don't let my problems effect them too much at all.

Thanks for reading,

Blessings,

Juliana ~

Hi Juliana

  It has been a while since you posted here. While I am happy to see you back I am saddened that you seem to have taken another turn for the worst. There seems to be a repetitive cycle that you go through and every time yor life seems to be geting better, something happens and you turn it all around. I may have an explaination for your repetitive behaviour that you have never heard of before.

   This analogy comes from a Psycologist that I studied under while in treatment. He taught me his concept and then asked me to share this with others who were going through the same kind of life patterns. He calls it " The Dual Reality ". It is something that I lived with most of my life and it caused me to have many of the same feelings that you have been experiencing.

  The dual reality consists of two very distinct parts of human consciousness. 1, the reality consciousness that is your daily life. The real things that are going on in your world every day. 2, the distorted subconscious reality that controlls how you react to your conscious world. My subconscious mindset told me that I was a bad person and that I didn't deserve anything good in my life. This resulted from being raised in a shame based enviroment where I was made to feel ashamed of mistakes I made and therefore, ashamed of myself. There was also an abandonment issue for me from having been sent away from my family because I was a bad boy.

   Then, there was my real world. I was smart, athletically gifted, charming and witty. All things that would help me succeed in life. The problem was though that everytime something good happened in my life I would destroy it because of my subconscious mindset that told me I deserved nothing good. throughout my life I would find myself in positions of success and happiness because of my abilities. I would then go into a self destruct mode because for some reason, I just knew that my happiness could not last. It had to be a trick of some kind because I didn't deserve good things.

   This kept me in a constant stae of imbalance. To regain my balance I had to change my world. Since I was not aware of my negative subconscious mindset I could only change my real world to match my mindset. Once I had destroyed everything that I had worked so hard to achieve, I would be balanced again. My real world matched my mindset. My wonderful friend and mentor, Dr. Summers, taught me to understand and change my nuerotic mindset to match my real world rather than doing it the other way around.

   I think it is possible that you too have a controlling , negative mindset that prevents you from experiencing the good things in your life in a positve way. Do you find yourself feeling a bit suspicious when something good happens to you? Is it difficult for you to accept compliments without wondering what the " real reason " is for someone to give you a compliment ? Do you recognize the pattern in your life that keeps you from ever really experiencng true happiness? If so, you may be living in a dual reality and you too can change your life just as I have. It takes knowledge and understanding. For me, it also took a lot of hard work. No matter what Juliana, the one thing you have to remember is that your life can be better. You do have the power to change your world and you do have the God given right to be happy.

   You know you have friends here that truly care about you so don't be shy. We can all work together and make things better for all of us. LOL

Hi Bill and also Juliana (i hope i spelled your name correct?) Thanks Bill for having this forum and I just wanted to send my love and support to Juliana in the more public way because she was so brave to openly discuss her depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts. So many of us have family or friends who have severe depresion. I also deal with this on a daily basis but what Juliana is going through is truly difficult. I hope you are getting medical help for your illness. Please keep us posted here at this most wondrous and exceptional forum... because I feel like you are going to be doing better each day! Your Friend, Beth

Hello Beth

   Thank You for stopping by our forum here and for your kind words.

   I think that the best thing about having a forum like this is that it lets people know that they are not alone. Sometimes, it really helps just to be able to talk a little with someone who understands. I remember several years ago when I chaired a group for people being discharged out of a psychiatric hospital, how much it meant to those who never had anyone to talk to before. Once they realized that they were not alone in their suffering, they would open their minds and their hearts to the other members of the group. This was a beautiful thing to see. So many people with a mental illness live their lives in isolation. Afraid to tell anyone about their felings out of fear of being chastised or discriminated against.

   Thank you Beth, for sharing yor thoughts and feelings here and please do come back.