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Phillip Black

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RE: A Dog Day is The Best Kind!
9/3/2011 6:13:04 PM

Hi Cheryl,

Here's a few that I thought just might put a Smile on your face...

Very Smart Dog

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are.

The first man was an engineer, the second was an accountant, the third a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to the desk, took out some paper and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop! Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the government worker, and said, "What can your dog do?"

The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, "do your stuff." Coffee Break slowly got on his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers' compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

They all had to agree, that was the Smartest Dog in the Bunch.

____________________

A Really Smart Dog?

I'm in the supermarket, at the butcher counter, when a dogs walks up. I figure the guy behind the counter is going to go ballistic, but instead, he asks the dog, "What'll it be today?"

The dog puts his paw on the glass in front of the lamb chops, and barks four times. So the guy starts to pull out four chops. He wraps them up and gives them to the dog, who gently takes the package in his mouth, and wags his tail, then turns to leave.

I say, "You always give away free meat to hungry dogs?" And he says, "Oh, it's not free. He's going to pay."

Well, this I got to see. So I follow the dog to the check out counter. He gets up on his hind paws and drops the package on the conveyor belt. The cashier rings it up. The dog opens a little fanny pack thing around its neck using just its mouth, and pulls out a credit card. The clerk scans it through, and then puts an ink pad and the credit slip on the floor in front of the dog, who inks up his right paw and makes its mark on the credit slip. The cashier hand the package to the dog, who happily trots out the door.

I gotta see this through to the end, so I follow the dog. It goes about two blocks away to a little house, goes up to the front door, scratches on the door, and whines and barks to be let in. A guy opens the door and immediately starts yelling at the dog.

I have to intervene. "How can you yell at this animal," I say, "it has to be the smartest dog in the world."

"Yeah? If he's so smart, why is this the third time this week he's forgotten his keys?"

____________________

And finally, my favorite, the "Groaner" of the Day...

Dog walks into a bar. Well the old west Saloon in this case. He is a mangy old curr who looks really weather-beaten. Sits down at the bar and says, "Barkeep I had a rough day. Give me your best shot - make it a double!"
Bartender says, " We don't serve your kind here." And pulls out a shotgun from under the counter and shoots the dog twice in his front feet!
Without a word, the dog gets up and limps through the swinging doors and out of the Saloon.
Well the piano player resumes playing and the bar resumes with its normal rowdy drunken activity until a couple of hours later -
The swinging doors slam open. Suddenly everybody stops and looks up. Not a pin drop could be heard.
Slowly in walks a tall young muscular hound, dressed in black, brandishing two six shooters before him. "I'm lookin' ferr da MAN who SHOT my Paw!"
____________________
Have A Happy Weekend,
Phil

“There may be trouble all around, but I am calling you to a place of peace. Be still and know that I am God. Come to Me, and I will give you wisdom, strength, and grace for everything you face." Psalm 46:10
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Cheryl Baxter

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RE: A Dog Day is The Best Kind!
9/3/2011 9:43:34 PM
Hi Amanda,

Hey thanks for sharing all your doggies with us. Leo looks very gentle...even though he's a big guy. They are all very sweet looking. Do they get to come inside or are they always outside dogs?

Yes, another friend told me she thought the static dog was a Maltese. Very priceless little thing, and quite a star by now! LOL!

Have a super Labor Day weekend,
Cheryl
http://texasgalswholesaleproperties.com "browse our current properties" http://fortworthwholesaleproperty.com "check out our real estate blog" http://mydiscountchristianbooks.com "online bibles, books, music, more"
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Cheryl Baxter

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RE: A Dog Day is The Best Kind!
9/3/2011 9:47:48 PM
Hi Myrna,

Yeah...I think little static doggie just thought she was being loved on & seemed quite happy to get the rub down. :-)

Shaggy looks quite comfortable. Glad you get to keep him now and then, when your friends go on vacation. Very cute dog. Thanks for posting his picture.

Have a nice Labor Day weekend!

Cheryl
http://texasgalswholesaleproperties.com "browse our current properties" http://fortworthwholesaleproperty.com "check out our real estate blog" http://mydiscountchristianbooks.com "online bibles, books, music, more"
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Cheryl Baxter

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RE: A Dog Day is The Best Kind!
9/3/2011 9:56:09 PM
Hi Joyce...thanks, I think they are all just darling. In my next life, I think I want to be a dog.
They get to sleep all the time, eat when they let you know they're hungry, and have someone brush their hair and bath them...then pet them till they let you know they're done with the petting.
They're great and loyal creatures, and I just adore them.

Take care Joyce. I hope you are staying safe from all the wind and rain that you must be getting.

Cheryl
http://texasgalswholesaleproperties.com "browse our current properties" http://fortworthwholesaleproperty.com "check out our real estate blog" http://mydiscountchristianbooks.com "online bibles, books, music, more"
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Cheryl Baxter

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RE: A Dog Day is The Best Kind!
9/3/2011 10:11:44 PM
Hi Pat,

Well, I did think the video clip was the funniest thing ever. I hadn't seen that it was going around, but I'm glad to have found it. Hopefully, I'll find other interesting clips and post then here too.

Take care and have a super duper Labor Day weekend,
Cheryl


http://texasgalswholesaleproperties.com "browse our current properties" http://fortworthwholesaleproperty.com "check out our real estate blog" http://mydiscountchristianbooks.com "online bibles, books, music, more"
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