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Beth Schmillen

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A man boarded a plane with 6 kids....
9/29/2008 9:23:19 PM
A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.  After they got settled in their seats the woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked,

'Are all of those kids yours?'

He replied, 'No.  I work for a
condom company.  These are customer
complaints
.
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Beth Schmillen

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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.
9/29/2008 9:35:30 PM
 

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.

It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'

'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque.

'Pastor, what is this? The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?'

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Beth Schmillen

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I Know The Law
9/29/2008 9:37:59 PM

I Know The Law

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.OR look your worst.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of the Theater:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything's possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law:
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment . . . and you'll stay sick.

WolfWoodWares
OBA
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Beth Schmillen

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An Australian Ventriloquist.... Aussie Humor BEWARE!
9/29/2008 9:45:00 PM

AUSSIE HUMOR BEWARE (adult enough)


An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi .....
 
Australian ventriloquist:       'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?'

Villager:                'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.'

Ventriloquist:             'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog:             'Yeah, doin' all right.'

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist:      'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the villager)

Dog:                    'Yep'

Ventriloquist:                'How does he treat you?'

Dog:              'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Kiwi:                   (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist:               'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Kiwi:                 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

Ventriloquist:                   'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse:                 'Cool'

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist:                     'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

Horse:            'Yep'

Ventriloquist:                  How does he treat you?

Horse:           'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the elements.'

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist:             'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Kiwi: (in a panic)            'The sheep's a f*****' liar.......'


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Beth Schmillen

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Brokeback Deer Camp
9/29/2008 9:48:39 PM
 Take a break !! APSense Post a good Joke !! Share a Laugh !! Smile for awhile !!

Brokeback Deer Camp

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room.

No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly.

They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time,

so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and came to breakfast the next morning with his

hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

The other two said, 'Man, what happened to you?'

He said, 'Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.'      

The next night it was the second guy's turn. In the morning,

same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

The other two said, 'Man, what happened to you?

You look awful!' He said, 'Man, that Daryl shakes the roof.

 I sat up and watched him all night.'

 The third night was Frank's turn.

Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.

'Good morning,' he said.

The other two couldn't believe it! He looked rested and wide awake.

They asked, 'Man, what happened?'

He said, 'Well, we got ready for bed.

 I went and tucked Daryl into bed,

patted his ass and kissed him good night.

Daryl sat up and watched me all night.'


Monika & Wayne
OurPowerMall

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