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Beth Schmillen

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Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
9/29/2008 9:50:39 PM
 

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

 

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

 

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

 

The next morning they went to the beach
dressed in their "tourist" garb.

 

They were sitting on beach chairs,

enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a
"drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a topless bikini
came walking straight towards them.

 

They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said
"Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,"
nodding and addressing each of them individually,
then she passed on by.

 

They were both stunned.

How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store
and bought even more outrageous outfits.

 

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!

Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.

After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde,
wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time,
came walking toward them.

Again she nodded at each of them, said

"Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,"
and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,
"Just a minute, young lady." "Yes, Father?"

"We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know,
how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?"

She replied,

 

"Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen

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Joe
Joe Downing

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Re: Brokeback Deer Camp
9/29/2008 9:51:52 PM

Beth, I can't hardly type after that one.  Thanks for the laughs!!!!

Joe
***ADLAND BULLETIN BOARD*** What is Xtreme X2O? ###Get some X2O and Jerky RADICAL for the TRUTH! Laus Deo! ** HUG DEPARTMENT: Always OPE
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Beth Schmillen

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Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
9/29/2008 9:54:29 PM
 

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite!
 

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are

fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt

for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in

order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an

attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly

demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made

condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.

I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard

that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn

what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of

my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.

I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released

and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating

with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.

My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,

so he is safe. For now.................

 

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Jen
Jen Maxwell

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Re: Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
9/30/2008 10:42:15 AM

Hi Beth,

These are simply outrageously funny!  Hope you don't mind
that I'm going to cut and paste and send them out.....

What a wonderful way to start the day.

Have a good one!

Jen

Award Winning System cancels mortgage and debt interest on steroids! Without paying more each month! "The ultimate ignorance is the rejection of something you know nothing about and refuse to investigate
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Peter Fogel

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Re: Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
9/30/2008 12:14:15 PM

Hi Beth,

Loved em all. Here's one for you.

A Penthouse in Heaven

The Pope dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, Saint Peter shows him to his new quarters which turn out to be a tiny one bedroom apartment.

The Pope is horrified and wants to know why he doesn't have the penthouse apartment, which is huge.

Saint Peter informs him that the resident of the penthouse is a lawyer.

"A lawyer," says the Pope. "But I'm the Pope, surely I'm more important."

"With respect Sir," says Saint Peter, "We have lots of Pope's up here, but we only have ONE lawyer!"

Shalom,

Peter

Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
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