Maxine's slide down the Banister of Life
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It's called .........
"Ministers Do More Than Lay People"

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary

3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss: the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning - One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes
Were inevitable. Now, of course, there's
Shipping and handling, too.

8.. A husband is someone who, after taking
The trash out, gives the impression that
He just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may The splinters never point the wrong way

  Linda I am rolling on the floor! I love maxine almost as much as I love chocolate! I want to be her when IU grow up! LOL

Thanks for the great laughs!

 

I love CHOCOLATE !

 The Back Pew

 A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood
 before the congregation and asked for a raise.?
 After much discussion, they passed a rule that
 whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would
 his paycheck. After 6 children, this started
 to get expensive and the congregation decided to
 hold another meeting to discuss the preacher' s expanding 
 salary.

 A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued,
 as to how much the clergyman's additional children were 
 costing the church, and how much more it could potentially 
 cost.
 
After listening to them for about an hour, the
 pastor rose from his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift 
 from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.
 Silence fell on the congregation.

 In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to
 stand, and finally said in her frail voice, 
'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too
 much of it, we wear rubbers.'

 The entire congregation said, 'Amen.'