AN Elderly
gentlemen had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the
doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a
month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied,
'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the
conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Two elderly
gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one
turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of
aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim
says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really? Like a newborn
baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
An
elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives
left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were
talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was
really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said,
'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought
and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a
rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards
the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to
last night?'
Hospital
regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while
working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and
sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my
help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked
him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still
upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
Couple
in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a
checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want
to start writing things d own to help them remember.
Later that night,
while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm
in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can
remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like
some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to
forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream
with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll
forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need
to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped
cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands
his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
A senior
citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting
married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This
woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in
bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her
then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
Three
old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I.
Let's go get a beer.'
A man
was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four
thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,'
answered the neighbor, 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve
thirty.'
Morris, an 82
year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later,
the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his
arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing
what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said,
'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart mur mur; be careful.''
One
more !
A
little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,'
he replied, 'Arthritis.