756
319
|
Today's HA . . HAs
1/16/2008 9:24:25 AM
|
Harvard Gringo
An American consultant was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican
village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the
small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American
complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long
it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."
The American then asked, "Why don't you stay out longer and catch more
fish?
The Mexican said, "Well, I catch enough to feed my family."
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your
time?"
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my
children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village
each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a
full and busy life, senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard graduate and could help you. You
should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger
boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several
boats eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of
selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the
processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the
product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this
small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and
eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then, senor?"
The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is
right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the
public and become very rich, you would make millions."
"Millions, senor? Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal
fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with
your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the
evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your
amigos."
Busload of Politicians
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when all of
a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old
farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to
investigate.
He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.
A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and
asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but I
didn’t believe them."
Total Control
A guy named Bob is travelling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting
close to him.
He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very
long time heavily criticizing the president, the war, corruption,
unemployment, etc.
So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him
sleep, tells them as a joke, that there is a new total control system
developed by the FBI that spies upon all citizens, and there are lots
of listening devices everywhere, so that anyone criticizing the
government would be severely punished.
This didn’t have any effect on those guys, moreover they just
laughed at Bob, and carried on and on, saying even more rude jokes
about George Bush and the government.
Finally, close to 3:00 am, Bob goes to the restroom, and runs into the
train conductor.
Bob asks the conductor to bring him some water and sleeping pills at
exactly 3:00 a.m.
He goes back to his place and says loudly into the base of his seat,
so that talkative guys could hear him:
"If the FBI director can hear me: could you please bring me a glass of
water and some sleeping pills at 3:00 a.m., because there are some
idiots here who are speaking too loudly about some political issues
and won’t let me sleep."
The guys continue talking.
Exactly at 3:00 am, the door opens and the conductor comes out, and
gives Bob the water and some sleeping pills.
The guys are shocked and finally stop talking. Bob is happy and
manages to fall asleep...
When he wakes in the morning, the talkative guys are no where to be
found.
Out of curiosity he asks the conductor about them, (also remembering
that there shouldn’t have been any stops at night).
The conductor replies that some people in black suits stopped the
train and arrested those guys.
Bob is completely shocked and surprised and asks about why he was not
arrested.
The conductor answers that he doesn’t have a clue but one of the
guys in black suits said that the director of the FBI liked Bob’s
joke about the water and pills.
Wisdom of Age
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he
was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and
showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I
want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young
lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The
old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by
check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write
it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll
pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's
no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
Toothbrush Sales
The kids filed back into class Monday morning.
They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell
something, then share with the class how they were successful.
Little Mary led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she
said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil
spirit and I credit that approach for my success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Sally was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of
current events."
"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box
full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467" he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes?" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell
enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a
chocolate chip cookie stand and gave everybody who walked by a free
sample.
They all said, “This tastes like MUD!" Then I replied, “It is.
Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
It's going to be a bad day when . . .
- You wake up face down on the pavement.
- You jump out of bed in the morning and miss the floor.
- You turn on the morning news, and they're showing emergency routes
out of your city.
- Your bar of Ivory soap sinks.
- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
- Your horn gets stuck when you're following a group of Hell's Angels
on the freeway.
- You get to work and there's a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your
outer office.
~~~~
That's all Folks!
|