Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?

Number 2
In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2008:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

And the BONUS thought for today:
'Life is like a jar of jalapeños . What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow'.

Thanks Again Sheri,

These are priceless.  I am especially fond of #1.  Also, #7 is right on target and #6 is a lot of fun, though I never recommend that others try it.

Have A Happy Weekend,

Phil

Thanks for another good laugh for the start of 08.

And then there was the lady driving down the highway who picked up a woman hitch hiker.  She didn't say much until she saw brown bag on the seat between them and asked what was in it.  The driver said it was a bottle of liquor that she got for her husband.  The passenger replied "You made a good trade".

Hello Sheri,

Loved the bonus!!!!