Sometimes we hear about a righteous anger, where someone wanted to deck the guy who touched his kid. Or Worse. There is a place for anger.

Anger, most of the time, is the second emotion, and is what shows up when someone has a feeling of low self esteem, feels disrespected, not taken seriously, rights have been violated, or things are out of control.  I talked with a man once who was cut off by a Peterbilt Tractor trailer rig. He followed the guy til he stopped, then climed up on the cab with a jimmy bar ready to smash the window, all the time cursing. But, he did not smash the window. He stopped. He had control. So, in a split second, we can choose to keep cool and think things over, or we can throw things and let go. Blowing up sometimes is said to be cathartic, but is not. It does not change anything, but gives a poor role model to our kids and friends. Many of the people who have anger issues claim it is genetic-- they learned it from their parents.

Anger has consequences. One guy slapped his wife, and had to pay the court a $10,000 fine and a night in jail for disturbing the peace/domestic violence. Another guy threw a ketchup bottle (empty) at his daughter, and had to pay a $5,000 court fine and attend my anger class. Guess he wished he had missed.

Sometimes we are angry when we have a loss-- financial, divorce, death, relationship goes bad, realized our childhood was lost-- we become angry, feel abandoned, feel no one cares, and can get into a lot of self pity. We need to decathect from the loved one, let go, mourn the loss, spend some time alone. But we sooner or later need to start looking forward instead of to the past. We need to give ourself some time. Adjusting to a major loss can take two to five years.

Whenever we spend a lot of time dwelling in the past, we sacrifice our future.

So, lets keep those cards and letters coming, and focus on what makes us happy. Keeping a feelings journal, which no one else can or will see, and in which we let it all hang out-- anger at our spouse, kids, lover, business, God, -- if often helpful to let go of the feelings, especially when we read it weeks later. Just dont let your friends and family see it.

Cheers. Good luck marketing.

KenJ