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Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get
through; can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling
in Australia?"
Operator "Does the product name give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe)
"If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to
change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling
is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell
off."
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland."
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box
told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number
on."
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."
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Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I
need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file
back again?"
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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy
should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the
WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the
customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired;
however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for
"Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former
WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over??"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right
angle -- it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I
have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that
your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"
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