People don't always know what to say. Well meaning people often struggle for just the right words to comfort and encourage someone going through a difficulty. Sometimes people try to be clever, or humorous, or unique. Most of the times the words are not as important as just being near, available, and willing to listen. An acquaintance of mine said after losing his house to fire, "We will forever remember the young men across the street. They brought me a coat, and stood with me helplessly watching the house burn. We will remember the neighbors who opened their homes to us as we tried to grasp what had just happened. And, we will remember the friends who showed up on the property, put their arms around us, prayed with us, and stayed with us. Their words are mostly forgotten. Their faces are not. The lesson: Be quick to listen, slow to speak."

Almost everyone has a story and advice. I remember a couple going through the loss of an infant child. People ignorantly said all sorts of things. They said it was rough." "You should have . . . " "You need to . . . " "You ought to . . . " My question? How do you know what I should, need, or ought to do? Lesson: You should save your story, you need to be careful with your advice, and you ought to be careful what you say.

Some things are harder than you think. We can prepare ourselves, we can talk ourselves through the worst scenarios, and we can act like everything is just fine, but the truth is some things are hard, and some things are harder than we think they will be. Yes, I know, it could always be worse. Some things take longer to adjust to. Some things make you sadder. Some things require help to get through. Some things are hard even if you have a good attitude, a positive outlook, and a strong faith. Lesson: Give yourself (and others) time to heal.

God is our hope. Things are lost in fires and flooding. Things will eventually be replaced. The best in really good people often comes out in our tragic times. God is always there for His children.

"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him because we have trusted in His holy name. Let your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, just as we hope in YOU." (Psalm 33:20-22, NKJV)

Think about it, be there for those who are struggling.

Mike

You can view Mike's Daily Blessings at http://www.TheWoods.phpbbnow.com

Hi Sharon,

There is a LOT of great advice here.  I loved reading it.  I learned a lot about this topic a few years ago when my third Grandaughter died. 

Someone told me there's a book out there named  "What to say when you don't know what to say"  (or something like that). 

That was a devasting time for all of us, especially my son and his wife who were crushed beyond belief.  Standing next to them in the receivng line after the service was when I first noticed how important the words of thier guests were. 

I cringed every time I heard - you should have, or you need to, etc. and I realized, as if I had been smacked, that it would have been better for them to say nothing than to say some of things that were actually coming out of their mouths.   

It is so important for us to be there when someone is grieving or heartbroken, but it is equally important for us to say the right things or nothing at all.

Thanks for a very informative post - I think I should get the right name of that book and come back - better yet, I should go buy it!

Judy

Thank you for posting Judy.. Mike really knows what to say to us,,To bring our attention to the right things in life.

I REALLY Enjoyed Your writing in Sams forums Judy. I had read it 3 times and yet maybe another also. I felt a Inspiration as I was reading. You are truly talented also...;-)

Peace, Sharon

Dear Friends Sharon and Mike!