God Can Do Anything, Absolutely Anything
by Liesl Alexander
"I was brought up in a haunted
house, cursed as a baby, handed over to Satan, my mother was an
alcoholic. In later years my world fell apart. I was hospitalised
under a court order, diagnosed severely mentally ill, suicidal, cut
arteries, took an overdose, violent, kept in a locked room, 36 pills a
day, all treatments tried, no hope. After several years I escaped from
the high security hospital, to kill myself (an atheist, a drug addict)
and on the way God stepped in..."
I was an atheist, brought up
in a "haunted house" filled with fear. I was reared with an alcoholic
mother, a very distant angry father, and an alcoholic grandfather. This
dysfunctional family was rounded out with a blind grandmother and a
neurotic great aunt, a twin sister and other siblings at least 12 years
our senior.
After leaving home for school,
I was told my boyfriend (age 13) had committed suicide. This was when I
began to dwell on death...what did it mean? what is it?
The rest of my schooling
seemed to be a waste of time...because I could not think of work, only
of death. Because of surgery, I had to leave school early. For one year
I went home to live with a drunken mother I hated, with a fear-filled
household and, in the end...decided to go into nursing to find out more
about death.
I pondered death, but received no answers.
It was at this time I got into
the occult. Things went downhill from there. Inside I wanted to die.
I was a black hole I could not get out of.
I took an overdose of drugs
stolen from the hospital ward, cut arteries in my wrists and waved
goodbye to the world. I awoke in pain and with stitches.
They placed me in a room about 6x4 and I stayed there for several years.
I was taking over 36 drugs a
day, strapped in a straight jacket on occasion, no windows, no
visitors, no furniture. Just a mattress on the floor. Not even
wearing any clothes. Where was I? I did not know then, but I was in a
padded cell. After 17 months they moved me for short periods, to have
treatments, but they did not work.
I hated life, feared everything, felt alone. There was no God...
I was in a high security wing
of a psychiatric hospital, an asylum, but on one occasion I managed to
escape. When I was captured and returned, I was told, "Liesl, stop
running away, you are here for life. The quicker you accept this the
easier for us and the easier for you. This is now your home for life."
I wanted to die. Another time
I escaped and got into the black market drug scene. I became an
addict. My plan was to die from all these drugs.
After several more escape attempts, some failed and some successful, I finally escaped to I could go and kill myself.
I went to leave because the
"God" bit made me angry. A lady at the door said "Jesus loves you! He
knows what a mess you are in,
he really cares."
But when I was returned to the hospital, this man's words went over and over in my mind.
One day some Christian visitors came to see me in hospital.
Inside me there was
inexpressible turmoil, but in the room I was in there was a new feeling
- a feeling of peace. I couldn't fit it together, I could not work out
what these people were saying.
They were talking very calmly
about Jesus, and about Jesus having the power to heal. I could not take
all the words in, they were an invasion into my isolation.
They stood around me; one had
their hand on my head, another on my shoulder, and then one just spoke
a simple sentence. "Lord Jesus, please heal this girl's mind." They
were talking to God.
It was all very new and
strange. I wondered what they would say next. I heard a click in my
head and they heard it too. Something in me was being moved towards an
encounter with light. I was face to face with light. I was being held
within it. I knew it to be creative and positive, loving and so
peaceful - totally the opposite of the darkness I'd just left. I was
completely enveloped by it, unaware of anything else. I was aware only
of the presence of Jesus.
They stopped praying. I was
stunned. I saw so clearly that I'd been ill, that for years I'd existed
in a hell of mental illness. Now I was
cured, suddenly, miraculously,
in a space of a few moments. I couldn't put words to what had actually
taken place, but I knew, I understood, and above all, there was hope
now. I realized how far my life had been from normal.
For the next few days I moved
around in a peaceful haze, stunned, trying to adjust to my new
awareness of life, my freedom from mental confusion and torment.
I wasn't particularly joyful.
I still had too many problems for that, perhaps, but I had hope.
Something was still not right though.
One night at 3 a.m., I
suddenly realized that even though I had met God, that He had healed
me, that God was still on the outside. I asked Jesus into my life. I
wanted Him on the inside. I talked simply to Jesus, telling Him that I
believed in Him, and wanted to follow Him, so please would He come into
my life and put right whatever was wrong.
I told Him I needed to know
that He was with me and was going to guide me. Then I became aware of
His presence. The knowledge that He was willing to know me and be with
me - even though I was such a wreck, such a mess - overwhelmed me. I
knew that I would not be in hospital for life, as the consultant has
said. I knew the sick would be made whole. I knew that Jesus cared,
that He was giving my life a new direction. I wasn't alone any more.
The pressure had lifted, I was now Free To Live.
God healed and delivered me,
enabling me to be free to live. I was tormented, suicidal, violent,
lonely. He gave me peace of mind, changed my misery to joy. He restored
me to total health, and now I am married with two children. Jesus is
now using me to help others with both mental and physical problems. He
can help you, He wants to help you, He wants to give you assurance of
eternal life, heal you, deliver you, give you a fresh start. You can
trust Him.
Liesl is now married to an
Anglican Vicar, lives in the United Kingdom, and is blessed and sent
out as evangelist from St Andrew's Church, Oakington, Cambridge.
Liesil Alexander-