Recent Quips from Late Night
"Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is now in Iraq. She made a surprise visit to Iraq. Well, you thought Bush wanted to bomb the place before. ... She didn't say how long she'd be staying in Iraq. President Bush said he was against setting any timetables for Pelosi to return. He said to bring her back prematurely would send the wrong message." --Jay Leno
"Senator John Kerry went to the floor to make what he called an 'important and urgent announcement' [on screen: Kerry talking about a variety of things and concluding that he will not run for WH '08]. Unfortunately, this is another example of sloppy journalism. The media said this is Kerry announcing he will not run in 2008. In fact, this was Kerry simply completing his concession speech from 2004" --Jon Stewart
"In his State of the Union address, President Bush said our economy is on the move. It's moving to India, but hey." --Jay Leno
"John Kerry announced yesterday that he will not run for president in 2008, which leaves only several hundred Democratic candidates for president." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards -- you know, the man who always says there are two Americas -- is moving into a brand new, $6 million, 28,000-square foot home on 102 acres. Well, I think we know which America he's living in." --Jay Leno
"The president proposes a drastic measure [on screen: Bush proposing a special advisory council on the war on terror comprised of 'leaders in Congress from both political parties']. What? Both parties in an advisory role? I think they already have something like that. I think it's called Congress." --Jon Stewart
"Political experts say that Barack Obama drew record crowds in New Hampshire. Well sure, it's New Hampshire. They've never seen a black guy before." --Jay Leno
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Job Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."
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