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For The Kids...
Q: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
A: A catastrophe!
Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China?
A: Chairman Miaow!
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
A: A cat-a-logue!
Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
A: An octopuss!
Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!
Q: When the cat's away.....?
A: The house smells better!
Q: Why was the cat so small?
A: Because it only ate condensed milk!
Q: Why did the cat cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off!
What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?
Lumpy milkshakes!
What is the definition of a goose?
An animal that grows down as it grows up!
Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep?
She had a crook with her!
What do you give a pony with a cold?
Cough Stirrup!
What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
A horse!
What happens when geese land in a volcano?
They cook their own gooses!
What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Streaky bacon!
What is a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis!
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure!
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment!
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
The letter "D".
What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you!
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost.
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had mittens.
What do you call it when your Christmas tree explodes?
A tannen-bomb. (tannenbaum)
What's red and white and red and white and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill.
Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous?
Holly-wood.
Why did Frosty go to live in the middle of the ocean?
Because snow man is an island.
I'd tell you another joke about a pencil.
But it doesn't have any point!
Why do idiots eat biscuits?
Because they're crackers!
What was the gangsters last words?
Who put that violin in my violin case!
Did you hear about the little boy that they named after his father?
They called him dad!
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir!
Did you hear about the stupid Kamikaze pilot?
He flew 57 missions!
Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!
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