It took me a long while to accept my disease, and it certainly isn't easy. Certain family members disagree with me having an illness at all. They say, "Dont' let anyone tell you there is something wrong with you. You have emotions like the rest of us." So my father says. My mother differs.

At age 16, i realized something was wrong with me. I wasn't a happy person most the time. There were factors of course. But let me say this. Every bad trial i have had, has in turn, made me a better person. How? five years of therapy,   misdiagnosises, etc.

You'll get to know more later as time comes to pass. I know use my moods to my advantage. I use it through photography and writing. I was told to journal at my first therapy session and i said, "to hell with that, i already write enough at school" I didn't write till a year later when i was struggling with my self abuse disorder called "cutting" it's a disease many don't talk about. It is like every other addiction, hard to control. You can ask more about that and i will answer. So, when ever i had to urge i would doodle in class. Of course they were morbid stick figures but teachers found out and when i would start doodling they made me stop. I started cutting after i realized that my OCD of scratching was releaseing comething and when someone would tell me to stop becuas i had started bleeding i felt good.

I had alot of issues. Anyways, to put things short, I have had a cutting addiction(cutting ones self by means of sharp objects to release or give reason or mental pain), eating disorder(though that was undiscovered , until a good friend of mine entered the picture), sexual harassment, rape, drug.alcohol abuse. I suppose you can say i'm a mix of all the worse that can happen. It is a miracle i am alive today after tryign to hang myself, drown my self while drunk, drink myself to death, and overdose on sleep pills. I have never once been hospitalized. Besides one party, when i purposefully drank too much and was on my meds and blacked out ont he bathroom floor. Doctors are stupid when they ask you questions when you know why they are asking them. Anyhow, Now, I'm still arollercoaster BUT! addiction free!!! how cool is that. I've been a good girl. Also, my photos and writing are a tremidous help. Seems like an overnight change, but it wasn't. it was seriously a) having a roomate who crushed and threw away any pill the doctor perscribed me that i was no longer allowed to have(ambien, don't ever take Ambien. I swear. hallucinating is not fun) she locked up any medication. I hated her for a while for that, and for, taking away all the sharp objects and lockign them up too.   Anyhow, ramblign again, like i tend to do, so, with out further adue, Good bye and good night.

Christina

ps. Thanks Bill V. for inviting me.

Hello Christina

    Thank you for comming here and sharing your story with us. I know how hard it is to talk about such matters but as you seem to have already noticed, sometimes it can help. If for some reason we don't get a lot of response to this thread, don't take it personally. There seems to be a problem with people getting notifications to my forums because I used to get as many as 100 or more visits to my mental health forums every day. Lately, I haven't been getting a lot of traffic here but I can assure you that you will still find others here that you can talk with who will understand your feelings. I am in the process of developing some other forums about mental health so I will keep you informed about what I am doing to improve our readership.

    Anyhow, I just got a news feed this morning that is a research report about Bipolar Illness and the meds used for treating it. I hope that you will find this information useful. I will be checking in here daily but you know that Ally and I are just about always around the pub or somewhere we can be reached. Don't be shy. We will always be ready to talk and listen.

Hello Everyone
  Here is some pretty good information about Bipolar that just came to me in one of my news feeds. I am posting part of the article here and then the link for the rest of the article will be at thew bottom of this post for anyone who might want to read the rest of this report. I wish you all the very best.

information on bipolar
Friday November 17th 2006, 4:41 am
Filed under: Health Research

How is Bipolar Disorder Treated?

Most people with bipolar disorder—even those with the most severe
forms—can achieve substantial stabilization of their mood swings and related
symptoms with proper treatment. Because bipolar disorder is a recurrent
illness, long-term preventive treatment is strongly recommended and almost
always indicated. A strategy that combines medication and psychosocial
treatment is optimal for managing the disorder over time.

In most cases, bipolar disorder is much better controlled if treatment is
continuous than if it is on and off. But even when there are no breaks in
treatment, mood changes can occur and should be reported immediately to your
doctor. The doctor may be able to prevent a full-blown episode by making
adjustments to the treatment plan. Working closely with the doctor and
communicating openly about treatment concerns and options can make a
difference in treatment effectiveness.

In addition, keeping a chart of daily mood symptoms, treatments, sleep
patterns, and life events may help people with bipolar disorder and their
families to better understand the illness. This chart also can help the
doctor track and treat the illness most effectively.

Medications for Bipolar Disorder

Medications for bipolar disorder are prescribed by psychiatrists—medical
doctors (M.D.) with expertise in the diagnosis and treatment of mental
disorders. While primary care physicians who do not specialize in psychiatry
also may prescribe these medications, it is recommended that people with
bipolar disorder see a psychiatrist for treatment.

Medications known as “mood stabilizers” usually are prescribed to help
control bipolar disorder. Several different types of mood stabilizers are
available. In general, people with bipolar disorder continue treatment with
mood stabilizers for extended periods of time (years). Other medications are
added when necessary, typically for shorter periods, to treat episodes of
mania or depression that break through despite the mood stabilizer.

Lithium, the first mood-stabilizing medication approved by the U.S.
Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for treatment of mania, is often very
effective in controlling mania and preventing the recurrence of both manic
and depressive episodes.
Anticonvulsant medications, such as valproate (Depakote®)
or carbamazepine (Tegretol®), also can have mood-stabilizing
effects and may be especially useful for difficult-to-treat bipolar
episodes. Valproate was FDA-approved in 1995 for treatment of mania.
Newer anticonvulsant medications, including lamotrigine (Lamictal®),
gabapentin (Neurontin®), and topiramate (Topamax®),
are being studied to determine how well they work in stabilizing mood
cycles.
Anticonvulsant medications may be combined with lithium, or with each
other, for maximum effect.
Children and adolescents with bipolar disorder generally are treated
with lithium, but valproate and carbamazepine also are used. Researchers
are evaluating the safety and efficacy of these and other psychotropic
medications in children and adolescents. There is some evidence that
valproate may lead to adverse hormone changes in teenage girls and
polycystic ovary syndrome in women who began taking the medication before
age 20. Therefore, young female patients taking valproate should be
monitored carefully by a physician.

Women with bipolar disorder who wish to conceive, or who become
pregnant, face special challenges due to the possible harmful effects of
existing mood stabilizing medications on the developing fetus and the
nursing infant. Therefore, the benefits and risks of all available
treatment options should be discussed with a clinician skilled in this
area. New treatments with reduced risks during pregnancy and lactation are
under study.
 http://juliehughes.wordpress.com/2006/11/17/information-on-bipolar/

Thanks so much for the welcome.

Christina

Hi Christina.  My brother is bipolar and has suffered for many years with this disease.  He knew something was wrong for years and was often diagnosed with depression only.  Once he received the proper diagnosis and accepted it, he began to get better due to the right medications and therapy. 

I'm glad to say that he has made a great deal of improvement and is a joy to be around.  He and I see each other often and have joined together to author a blog about depression, anxiety, bipolar and other mental health issues.  The blog is called His & Hers because we thought some people might benefit from reading both a male and female's writings on the subjects.  If we can touch one person and help in any way then we are successful, in my opinion. 

I'm a new member here and was very glad to find your post.  You certainly are brave to write your story.  I wish you the very best!

Hello Susan

   Thank you so much for stopping by here and sharing your thoughts and feelings.

   One of my main reasons for providing such a forum here is to be able to show others some of the positive parts of mental illness. Your brother is a perfect example of what cn happen if someone is able to get through all of the hinderences to receiving proper treatment. Just the stigma associated with mental illness is enough to keep many people from even seeking treatment. Then once past that stage they enter into a very harsh and complicated system that often seems to add to the problems rather than help people get passed them.

    We have explored , in depth, the many facets of the Mental Health System in some of my other threads in this forum. I welcome you to visit some of my other threads and offer your wonderful words of encouragement. It is so nice to hear about the successes. There are so many lives that ARE JUST LOST SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THE STIGMA, THE MISINFORMATION AND THE DIFFICULTY OF TRYING TO WORK YOUR WAY THROUGH THE SYSTEM. YOU COULD REALLY OFFER HOPE TO A LOT OF PEOPLE JUST BY SHARING YOUR STORY WITH OTHERS.

    THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMING HERE AND OFFERING HOPE TO THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN HOPELESS.