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1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 16 work
boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo
magazine and your NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba,
Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning
and they messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it
but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyways, I locked all four
of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. We be right back.
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