For The Kids... Is that school food spicy? No, smoke always comes out of my ears! Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree? I'm stumped! "It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!" An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination! Why do teachers use a bamboo cane? Because when the cane goes 'bam' the child goes boo! For The Kids... Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change! Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you! Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet. Sounds like you've got Foot and Mouth disease! Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish Poor sole! Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider What a web of lies! Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar! Have you taken anything for it? Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father Never mind just so long as he's healthy! For The Kids... How is the witches team doing? They're having a spell in the first division! How do you make a werewolf stew? Keep him waiting for two hours! What do you call a skeleton that is always telling lies? A boney phoney! What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he goes out to work in the evening? "Have a nice bite"! Why did the ghost go to the funfair? He wanted to go on a rollerghoster! How can you help a starving cannibal? Give them a hand! When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days! For The Kids... What's the best way of talking to a warty witch? By telephone! Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop? He was caught chop lifting! What happened to the skeleton who went to a party? All the others used him as a coat rack! Why did the skeleton go to hospital? To have his ghoul stones removed! What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat! Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? He could really get into the vaultz! What did the demon do when he bought a new house? He called it "Gnome Sweet Gnome"! For The Kids... What's a vampire's favourite sport? Batminton! What do you call a werewolf that drinks too much? A whino! Where did the witch get her furniture? From the ideal gnome exhibition! Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had no body to go with! What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom! How can you tell if a corpse is angry? It flips its lid! What do demons have on holiday? A devil of a time!