Knock Knock! Who's There?
Waddle.
Waddle who?
Waddle you give me if I go away?
Knock Knock! Who's There?
Anita!
Anita who?
Anita to borrow a pencil!
Knock Knock! Who's There?
Who.
Who who?
Is there an owl in here?
Confucius Says
- Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
- Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
- He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.
- Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
- Man who make love to girl on hill...he not on level.
- Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.
- Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
- Man who drive like h*ll bound to get there.
No UPC
I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
Never Felt Better
One day in court, the prosecuting lawyer asked the farmer on the witness stand, "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the policeman you had never felt better in your life?"
"That's right." The farmer replied.
"Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"
The farmer explained. "When the policeman arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him.
"When he asked me how I felt, I just thought, under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say 'I've never felt better in my life.'"