Where the "R's" Are The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost "r's" migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells." Speeding Up The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast. Also: Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis. Infinite Rednecks If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

Dear Larry, The first one, very true. My grandmother's maiden name was Washam, but since she had an Arkansas accent, I thought it was Warsham until I saw it in print. The second one, scary. The third one, so the rednecks of the world are really agents for the blind? I wonder how they read those signs while going down the road... ...as a passenger, I hope! So THAT'S why most shot-out signs are on the right side! Ya learn something new every day!

Dear Shannon When I had my convertible years ago, I used to shoot while driving

Your silly, Larry. But keep'um coming. Got to now, got to get me some tars. Warm regards, Your friend Herb

Hi Larry, What is lost in one place is found in another Will the speeding up of the planet mess up police radar? But who knows how to read redneck braille?