I was hoping you could help me wrap my head around a situation, which is maybe similar to other questions you’ve had and perhaps a little more a philosophical than a financial problem. My father passed away almost two years ago leaving me, his only child, with a fully invested portfolio of over $15 million to take care of with the help of a few financial advisers, of course. I have been struggling ever since figuring out what to do about it, what to think of it and what place I have to take in the process of being my father’s son. This sounds like “the burden of daddy’s money,” but I want to take more control of what happens to it.

I was 21 and about to graduate in marketing (BA) at HEC Montreal in Canada at that time, and decided to take another major in finance the next year so I could have a better understanding of the market and not be overwhelmed by my advisers’ counsel. I have also read Benjamin Graham’s Intelligent Investor, which taught me a lot about how to think as an investor.

Still, it is not the technical side that’s troubling me, but the human aspects of the whole process of learning to live as the old man’s junior. I feel I have so much to say I should send you a novel instead of an email. I’ll try to make it as short as possible.

Some of my advisers have been handling my family’s money for over 10 years and view me as a mindless spoiled kid. One of them has notably neglected to re-balance the portfolio according to pre-established investment plan (without breaking any CFA ethics), which cost us quite a bit a money over the last two years (with very different market performances on top of that). Even so, they didn’t seem to take my concerns seriously and kind of wish I’d just go back playing with my toys.

What should I do? Is there a magic trick I can do to gain their respect or do I have to threaten them to move the money elsewhere so they consider listening to junior? I’ve been thinking about meeting some new advisors to build a new relationship, but I have no idea what to look for in a good adviser apart from past returns and strategy. I have absolutely no intention to trade myself or manage that much money on my own at 23 years of age. I still have a lot experience to gain and wish to live a normal life without all that pressure until then.

Thank you for your time.

The Only Son in Montreal

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Dear Only,

On the contrary, your letter may touch on familiar territory of inheritance, but your tone could not be more different from many letters the Moneyologist receives.

There’s no self-pity, no anger, no plotting, no melodrama and no revenge. Not that I don’t appreciate the honesty of those emails , too. Frankly, they’re fun to read and give me a lot to work with. It seems like you have thought very carefully about the kind of service you want from your financial adviser — respect being No. 1 on that list — and have enough humility to know that you don’t want or need to manage this money yourself. What’s more, you’ve made efforts to brush up on the basics of investing. Bravo, on all counts! Your father would be proud.

Following an agreed plan of action is the very least they should do. If they can’t do that, it’s time to see what else is out there. To somehow brush off your feedback after such a mistake — they are working for you, remember, not the other way around — makes them complacent (at best) as well as possibly incompetent (at worst). There are plenty of advisers out there who would relish the chance to manage your $15 million, safeguard your father’s hard work and make sure you’re getting a good return on your investments, so you can live your life. Trust your instincts. Your father wouldn’t have left this amount of money in your care if he thought you wouldn’t make the right decisions in order to manage it.

Don’t miss: Should I keep my $100,000 inheritance a big secret?

What should you look for in a financial adviser? Wealth manager Carola Dias Jr. says you shouldn’t be bamboozled by titles. Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and Certified Financial Planner (CFP) are some of the most prestigious designations in the industry, he says. Check out the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (there is an equivalent in Canada). Also, check with the CFP Board to see if your choice was ever disciplined. This could take the form of a public Letter of Admonition, a temporary suspension of the individual’s CFP certification or its permanent revocation, depending on the severity of the breach or other mitigating circumstances.

The same rules apply if you were looking for a stockbroker or an accountant. Beware of hidden commissions or fees and promises of unrealistic returns. Don’t hire the first person you interview, don’t be cajoled into hiring friends or relatives who pitch you their services and never give him or her complete control. The candidates should also ask you questions about your financial goals, long-term plans and willingness to take risks (without you pushing them). If they don’t show an interest now, that’s unlikely to change. Ask about their payment structure: If they work purely on commission, they may take more risks than you’re comfortable with. Make sure they act according to a fiduciary standard — that is, a legal duty to act solely in your interest.

The more questions you have, the more respect you will earn from these candidates. And vice-versa. You can inherit a financial adviser, but you don’t have to stick with them, says Beverly McBride, a financial adviser based in St. Simons Island, Ga. And the same goes for your portfolio. “Your age, risk tolerance, and personal goals likely are vastly different from your father’s and should be reflected in your holdings,” she says. Client education should be part of your new (or current) adviser’s practice, she adds. “Look for an adviser who works to give you a little better understanding of investing in general and your portfolio.”

You don’t have to make any hasty decisions and you can use this information to start a dialogue with your current team, and seeing what else is out there is a step in the right direction.

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I’m 50 years of age and terminally ill. My husband has said he is not sure if he will include my son in his will. He said he may leave everything to his children. He may be inheriting property which brings a very generous annual income. I feel that should not be included. I do feel that assets earned during the time of our marriage until my death — with exception of that additional inheritance — should be divided equally. Do I have legal and moral grounds to request such a request? If so, can it be made legal without dispute from himself or his heirs prior to my death and after his? We reside in California, community property state.

The house in question was purchased prior to our marriage because of my health problems. I realize that by not getting anything in writing I may have not protected myself nor my son.

Concerned Wife and Mother

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Dear Concerned,

I’m sorry to hear that any stress surrounding your diagnosis is further complicated by your uncertainty about your son’s inheritance. On the one hand, your husband has at least been honest with you (instead of saying one thing and doing another). On the other hand, your son is a big part of your life and, clearly, your husband’s reluctance to leave him a share of your home is an unwelcome development. You’re absolutely right to have this conversation with your husband now. So many people neglect to talk about such uncomfortable subjects. First step: Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. “It would mean a great deal to me if you would remember my son. And, aside from helping him out, I know it would mean a great deal to him too.”

What happens to the home you share with your husband after you’re gone depends on whether it’s a separate property or community property under California law. A separate property would be one bought prior to your marriage by your husband with his name only on the deed. In that case, the property can be freely transferred to your husband’s children upon his death, according to William Sweeney, a California-based probate attorney. Given that your home appears to have been purchased prior to your marriage, even if the value of that property increased during your marriage, the house belongs to him. (If you bought it prior to your marriage, it would be all yours.)

Community property is different. California — along with Arizona, Idaho, Louisiana, Texas, Nevada, New Mexico and Washington — treat all marital assets as community property, meaning that assets acquired during the marriage are divided equally between the two spouses. California Probate Code Section 100(a) puts it more formally than that: “Notwithstanding an agreement otherwise, upon the death of a married person, one-half of the community property belongs to the surviving spouse and the other half belongs to the decedent.” There are exceptions, however. If you can prove your home is community property, however, you could bequeath your share of the home to your son.

Some questions to ask to decide if you could change the status of your home from separate to community property. Did you contribute to the mortgage? Or did money to pay the mortgage come from join funds? “If separate and community property or funds are commingled in such a manner that it is impossible to trace the source of the property or funds, the whole must be treated as community property,” according to the law firm of Thurman Arnold in Palm Spring, Calif. “It can include one time down payments from joint bank accounts that contain community income or earnings (or separate property accounts that may have been commingled with joint funds) further complicated in the case of a refinance, and more.”

Sweeney recommends seeking an experienced California estate planning attorney for advice as to what estate plan you can create to protect your legal interests. The Moneyologist seconds that. One option to consider: Create a living trust for your son, funded with your own separate assets (bank accounts, jewelry, stocks, for instance) and your share of any other joint assets. Trusts are dealt with outside of local probate court which would keep things private, takes less time to distribute than assets in a will and cuts down on administrative expenses. Taking these measures should help give you peace of mind, and ensure that your son doesn’t get any unexpected surprises.

As to the ethical side of your question: Although it seems unfair, your husband is free to leave his assets to his children alone and, yes, you may do the same.

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