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The Toxic Behavior of This Inner Mean Girl... [Case Study] 8/26/2015 3:37:50 PM
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The Toxic Behavior of This Inner Mean Girl... [Case Study]
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
We get this question a lot!
So we thought we would stop by you today, to let you know two little known – but super helpful facts – and share a story we think will inspire you (and possibly help you lighten up on yourself.) FACT ONE: Your original nature is self-loving, not self-bullying… which means you can return to your more natural state of being compassionate vs. critical.
Think about it… it’s not like when you were a baby you laid around in your bassinet comparing your thighs to the baby’s next to you, or as a toddler you were concerned that naps were a waste of time. You were not born hardwired to be hard on yourself…you were born pre-programmed to love yourself, but along the way, some wires got crossed, your Inner Mean Girl got formed, and you got trapped in a cycle of thoughts, habits, and patterns that has been almost impossible to work yourself out of.
FACT TWO: You are so not alone…even successful, beautiful women –like Elizabeth Gilbert, the mega bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love -- are SUPER hard on themselves.
Did you know that she declared to Oprah on Super Soul Sunday, “The real battle for me was my own self-abuse...to learn how to stop and drop the knife I was holding to my own throat. I was never good enough!”
So what can we do about it? How do you stop the self-bullying?
The answer to that question is exactly why we created Inner Mean Girl Reform School. We've spent nearly 5 years developing this 10-step process to be the cure.
The first step we teach in our 10 step program is all about getting to know your Inner Mean Girl – including her triggers, toxic habits, weapons, name and what she looks like -- and then creating an actual relationship with her.
What happens when you separate yourself from your Inner Mean Girl is crazy powerful.
You begin to see that the self-sabotage, self-hatred, and self-bullying really belong to her, not to you. We’ll never forget the moment when Kate, one of our early students, realized she was not actually her Inner Mean Girl. For years she had been plagued with feeling like she was never doing enough and thinking that in the end, no matter how perfect she made everything, she was going to end up all alone.
From morning till night, no matter how much she did, her mind still found more things that had to be taken care of—finishing orders for her clients, finding the love of her life (who she was convinced might never come), spending more time with her friends (who she was sure were going to bail on her at any minute), picking the lint off her couch lint ball by lint ball (not kidding!). Kate had become a victim of her Inner Mean Girl’s toxic habits of obsessive perfectionism, over-thinking, and running worst-case scenarios.
Before she met and created a relationship with her Inner Mean Girl, Kate just assumed these anxiety-filled thoughts were her own. She had resigned herself to believing that this obsessive, often fearful person was just who she was and how she was destined to be forever.
Now, before you paint a picture of Kate as some neurotic mess, let us tell you that Kate is a beautiful and strong woman, with a fair amount of self-esteem, who had the courage to start her own business designing clothing in her early twenties. But her IMG was turning Kate into a woman driven to obsessive levels of perfectionism, with a continuous low hum of anxiety running through her that could spike to overwhelming amounts in minutes. During these times when her IMG got triggered, Kate’s confidence plummeted, she began avoiding her friends, she couldn’t stop doing, and most of all she ceased to enjoy the life she had worked so hard to create for herself.
When Kate took the first step of exposing her Inner Mean Girl, she saw a persnickety perfectionist and an obsessive-compulsive Doing Addict (one of the thirteen types of Inner Mean Girls we teach in the 10-step process who was masking deeper places of loneliness and insecurity inside.
This first step, awareness of this inner part, was a game changer for Kate. And seems to be for almost every woman – including ourselves – that has taken her inner mean girl through reform school.
Once her Inner Mean Girl was fully revealed, Kate could see herself separate from those thoughts and self-sabotaging habits, and she was able to connect to her voice of truth—her Inner Wisdom—and begin making more aligned, healthy choices that supported Kate in being who she wanted to be and creating the kind of life she really desired. With this new awareness, Kate gained the power to leave behind a romantic relationship that had run its course, to become more social with people she loved to be around, and to take her business to a new level.
Stories like Kate’s are why we continue to run Inner Mean Girl Reform School and why we created a special program for women to start their year understanding this force instead of being a victim to it!
You – and your Inner Mean Girl -- are invited to join us to experience your own transformation, just like Kate, at Inner Mean Girl Reform School. Enrollment closes at midnight tonight and we’d be honored to have you join us.
Enroll and read more stories from our students: With great heart, Christine Arylo & Amy Ahlers Co-Founders of Inner Mean Girl™ Reform School P.S. If you've been wanting to take IMGRS but have been "on the fence", remember we're undergoing some renovations to the format and investment of this Course for future students.
**So now is the time to hop off the fence, take the leap of faith and END YOU YEAR with your Inner Mean Girl fully REFORMED, and your Inner Wisdom back in the drivers seat, where she belongs!
P.P.S. And since we know you are busy and your Inner Mean Girl will tell you that you're too busy to do this, we’ve made it so you can set your own pace through the 10 steps, PLUS receive support from us and our Inner Wisdom coaches and an amazing circle of women. Best of both worlds!
Remember – support prevents sabotage!
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