THE 243rd
Barbara Delgiudice
I love to donate to the poor people and poor animals. That's why it is so hard for me to save any money. If I feel like I have extra money, I feel it's wrong not to share it with those so desperate in need. It is so important to give to others that do not have enough.
I only have 5 months or less of money left in my bank account. And I feel lucky to have it compared to many people. But once it is gone, that's it. I have absolutely nothing else. I was blessed with some gift money from my Mom about 4 years ago and that is what I have been living on since then. But I have also been working online since 2000. Before that I worked at a silk tree, plant and flower company for 16 years. I had to leave. I coudn't take the abuse anymore. I really tried to stick it out but it was driving me crazy.
Before that 16 years, I didn't work. I lived with my ex boyfriend for 19 years. The doctors told me when I was in my 20's, 30's that I was not going to live very long so, I never really thought about my future. I had severe depression. I was on SSI and SSA for a long time. When I worked at the silk tree, plant and flower company in the 80's, I worked for free for 9 years on SSI. Then I worked for a little bit of money for 7 more years on SSA and, I could take some pay. Then I was kicked of of SSA because I made $1 too much over the limit one month. After that I wanted to work full time at the silk tree, plant and flower company, but they did not want to do that. Then I was almost full time in 2000 and wanted medical benefits and they wouldn't let me have any. And then there was the abuse. It drove me crazy and I had to leave. It was too much. I remember crying and crying the days before I left and not sleeping at night.
I tried doing a job as a bookkeeping where I took the work home. I worked for a few months and never got paid. When I did get a check it was no good. I tried to get my money for a few years but could not.
Then I started working online making commissions. I was going ok until 911 then it was getting tough to make money. To tell you the truth it has been difficult ever since. But now it seems impossible. No one is spending because they don't have money or don't want to spend it.
Since August 2009 I have been getting depressed because some commissions I was making last year completely fell through. And I have not been able to make anything since. I am a nervous wreck now but keep telling myself not to think of money running out. I would be able to move in with my Mom and sister when it does, but I still need money to do things with. And when my Mom dies there will I will have to leave again. Let's face it. It is impossible to do anything if you do not have money. It costs moneyto do things. I haven't been able to drive much for years because of this.
Because I am 57 years old, I have very bad arthritis in my hands and carpel tunnel syndrome which can become very painful. I drop things allot too and must be very careful. I do my best to take good care of myself. I go to ballet classes 2 or 3 days a week. (recently they gave me a great deal for dancing there for 14 years and all of my support there so I don't have to pay much because of my recent circumstances.) And I walk too. I take supplements that are high quality and they work really good. I don't smoke or drink. That makes me too sick. And I use safe products in my home for cleaning and on my skin and in my hair to stay healthy.
Any way, I can't do much because of my hands work wise - not for long. I still manage to clean and take care of myself, my birds and my apartment. And I can't take too much Ibuprofin because it makes me too tired and even depressed. I stretch my hands and wrists every day to keep them from getting crippled up. I stretch my body allot too and even do some yoga. My point being is that I try to take good care of myself, but it would be very difficult for me to work outside of the home with the problem with my hands. I can't take supplements with green tea extract because they make me way too nervous. My hands are getting worse because I worry too much.
I really messed up my bookkeeping the last couple of months and am in a real bind now. I am already out of money this month. I cut out TV this month, cut out unlimited long distance on my phone, I have Skype and it's only $2.99 a month for unlimited long distance in USA and Canada. I am cutting out allot of advertising I need to do my online work, so I can buy food. But I haven't cut out enough.This has always happened to me over the years. I get to a point when I am trying to work online at a business and, I have to quit what I am doing so I can buy food or pay bills. I have 2 little cockatiels and I need to provide for them completely. They are my whole life to me.
The other thing is that I cannot lower my VISA bill payments or Mastercard payments. The minimum monthly payment went up because I was charged over limit fees last year. They use to not to do that but they did in 2009. You didn't have to worry about that happening before because my cards would not work if they were at the limit. My VISA Bill is $232 a month. And my Mastercard bill will be $175 a month. My rent is $905.00 a month - not much left after that. I called up VISA and I cannot get my minimum payment it lowered because I do not have a job. Gift money isn't good enough. I haven't called about the Mastercard yet, but I will probably get the same story. I cannot use my cards anymore for marketing or advertising or anything at all because I cannot afford the minimum payments to go up. I was going to pay off the cards with my inheritance, but I will not have one anymore because my elderly Mom needs the money for 24/7 in home care. She can't walk. She deserves to be taken well care of and not left to die in a nursing home. She almost died in a nursing home a few years ago until we took her home.
I have to limit my spending because I want to try and stay in my apartment a few more months, just in case of a miracle. I don't want to leave my place on the woods were I have many beautiful birds come to my bird feeder, beautiful gray squirrels and adorable little chipmunks. Not to mention raccoons, possums and coyotes (I only hear the coyotes.)
So I am still trying to get something going online and offline and praying for miracles to happen and hanging in there.
Love, big hugs and prayers to all of the ladies out there in a similar situation.
Barbara Delgiudice
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