Sir Roger,
my friend, we all have the urge and compelled by God or a Spirit, guru, leader of choice in my case "rabbi Jesus, he has made a path for us all to get on but te road is narrow , long and hard for some who dont have the same calling,
when people , average people have the love inside them they are compelled to help no matter what the cost is, cost meaning "Life" in general, will they keep it or lose it, strong people keep it.
The experiances we have that are near to us, makes us choose what path were going on, fixing your eyes on Jesus makes it very clear. Each of us can teach and each of us have a sence of gratitude when we see that come to life, one might have experiances divorces? one might have experiances in long lasting marriage?
one might have experiences in past lives as a drug user and a womanizer? one might have an experiance of all kinds of family behaviors and come out looking like a professor of science or whatever.
We take what we know and we apply it to help each other just as rabbi Jesus did, good or bad, God made both.
We will suffer but only for a little while,to be a Christian you must suffer,
In the end we all have to face God who is the ultimate judge, but as for me i would rather have Jesus in my corner as my own lawer lol wouldnt you?
You have the will power Roger we all do , you just found yours is all. Not all can make a right choice for themselves, they can only do that when there time is right for them.
Thank you Roger for your reply , really appreciate your friendship and your love you show us all my friend :)
God_bless you!