A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that read, -$5.00 - If I can't tell you where you're from, I'll pay you $50.00!" The young man watched a cowboy approach the Indian and ask, "Is the sign right?" The Indian says, "yes." The cowboy hands him a five and says, "you're on!" The Indian looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots and flatly states, "you're from Wyoming." The cowboy shakes his head and says, "I'll be darned! You're right!" and strolls away. A second cowboy approaches the Indian and goes through the same routine. Handing him the fiver, he stands and watches as the Indian looks him up and down and notices a bit of straw and cow dung on his boots. The Indian says, "you're from Montana!" The cowboy, dejected as all get out, walks away. The young man decides he's going to give the Indian a run for the money. He goes into the men's room, takes his boots off, scrubs them up, dries them off, puts on a coat of polish and approaches the Indian. He hands the Indian a five dollar bill and says, "do your stuff!" The Indian looks and looks, up and down, and appears to be befuddled. The young man is now thinking he's gone one up on the Indian.The Indian says, "You're from New Zealand!" The young man gets really upset and can't for the life of him figure out how the Indian could know that, so he asks, "How in the world did you know I'm from New Zealand?" The Indian replies, "by the wool on your zipper. "

Good one! Thanks, Linda:)

That's just totally 'wrong'. I love it. Kenneth

Good One Linda! I got one for you.......................................................................................Harley Davidson Inventor The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?!" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..." God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?!" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion; 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds; 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much; 4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust; 5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!" Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to His Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Rules of the South Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent. People walk slower here. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here. If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer. Florida is not considered a Southern state (except Gainesville). There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.