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Hello All My AdlandPro Friends and Family!
Here is Commandment #7 for you today as well.
"Thou shalt not give beyond thine own capacity."
Have you ever felt that your "well had run dry," that you had donated your very last drop of blood, sweat, and tears to someone else's need, that you had nothing left to give? You may have given of yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially. In any case, you had overspent yourself and your resources and were now in a state of depletion.
If you thought about just how you arrived at this point, you would notice that there was a point at which you crossed a line and began to give too much. You probably did not intend to do this, but you were caught up in your own desire to help or were so involved in another's needs and entranced by the excitement of riding the wave. Perhaps you hoped to be loved and appreciated for your good and "selfless" effort.
Healthy self-esteem allows us to give freely and frequently - but never to the point of our own depletion. Whether our gifts are mental, emotional, or physical, we share willingly, but always within our own established limits. These "boundaries" support us in preserving our energy and our healthy sense of self. Giving beyond our means undermines our integrity, our self-esteem, and eventually our relationships.
There are many people in need, and many good causes to support. All of us have wounds in some areas that need healing - and if you have a good heart you will never lack for people around you wanting to be healed. The urge to serve and contribute is basic to human nature and should be honored - the trick though is knowing when to stop. And this can be unclear because of parental, religious, and cultural conditioning.
An easy way to learn to stop is simply to view your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual "selves" as bank accounts. Each day, you check your balances in these accounts before you spend one dime. Then you'll know just how much you have to give and when you get too close to the line and need to stop giving.
Healthy self-esteem knows exactly where the line is - and prioritizes who receives the most(children or mate), who receives the rest, and how much is reserved for yourself, so that you may become a more effective and skillful giver.
Resolutions -
1) Examine your balance sheets (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) on a daily or weekly basis.
2) Determine who is making the largest withdrawals in each account and whether this is appropriate. If necessary, write out your boundaries in each area and follow them.
3) As an exercise, choose a task where you are giving to a friend or social cause. Determine exactly where the line of too much is - and then make the choice to stop at that very point. Notice how you feel inside - and notice how others react to you.
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Well, there is Commandment #7 for you.
Contributing does not always mean giving money, it can also mean when you give of yourself physically, mentally or emotionally. Whatever, or however, you are contributing you need to make sure that you are not over-spending. There is only so much we can give of ourselves before we wind up giving too much!
God tells us to give and to give freely, but we only can give what we can afford to. God does not want us to short change ourselves in order to help others. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially we will become drained ourselves.
When we set limits on ourselves as far as how much time we can give, or how much money we can afford to give etc. then we know what is sufficient for us and we have to stick to that. If we don't then we not only over extend ourselves, but we get down on ourselves, which is not good for our self-esteem. So learn to set limits and stick to them even if others get upset or not.
Marilyn L Ali
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