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Hello All My AdlandPro friends & Family,
Here is Commandment #2 on Self-Esteem!
"Thou shalt cease trying to make sense out of crazy behavior."
Have you ever found yourself trying to understand another person's behavior that just didn't make sense to you? Try as you may to figure out why he/she did what he/she did, but it just doesn't make sense to you. Your brain goes "crazy" trying to figure it out and still you have no answers.
We all behave the way we do for our own reasons. Our behavior is a result of our past, plus decisions that we made along the way! People who act inconsistent in their actions were inconsistent in their past. One must find the root of the problem and then fix it, which many times requires professional help, such as a psychologist. This will require time to do. To think we can figure this problem out and try to fix it on our own is delusional, and likely a waste of valuable time - Your time!
As adults, people that are drawn to chaos is usually because of authority figures we knew as children. Some examples of "crazy makers" are alcoholics, drug addicts, religious fanatics, perfectionists, and people whom show rage. As children when we see people act in this manner we blame ourselves, and then we try to fix ourselves so that these people will change. But that doesn't happen and then children get confused and feel inadequate, and then the seeds for low self-esteem have been planted.
The lesson to learn here is stop trying to figure out why people act the way they do, it will only confuse and frustrate you .
Ask others to explain to you why they are acting they way they do. You have the right to ask and to know why. By asking, you stop the endless process of you trying to figure them out. You need to remove yourself from this no-win situation.
Maybe the person cannot even explain their actions, or change them. For example, an alcoholic who keeps on drinking, or a liar that continues to make excuses. At least you will no longer have to doubt yourself. You learn that the problems are theirs and not yours! To have a healthy self-esteem one needs to have a consistent and sane environment where confusion and chaos does not exist, or at least at a minimum.
Resolutions -
1) Watch the person and see how often you are presented with confusing behavior, or actions that don't make sense to you.
2) Bring this behavior to the attention of the other person, and ask them to explain their behavior to you. Listen very carefully to how the person justifies their behavior and/or if they assume any responsibility for the confusion. Also, check to see what kind of commitment, if any, the person makes to change.
3) See if his/her behavior does change in a reasonable period of time. If they do not change, then you really need to reassess the value of that relationship in your life, and if necessary let go of it and move on.
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"There's only one person who can change your life...YOU!! Quote by Walt Disney
Marilyn L. Ali
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