Hello Friends,

Here are a few cute jokes I thought you would appreciate.

Have a great weekend & Shalom,

Peter

Four old retired guys are walking down Havendale Blvd in Winter Haven,Florida.  They turned a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar- all drinks 10 cents".  They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.  The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, come on in, gents, and let me pour one for you! What'll it be?

 

There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ordered a martini.  In short order the bartender serves up four icedmart inis...shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please..'  The four men stare at the bartender for a moment.  Then look at each other...They can't believe their good luck.  They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

 
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the  bartender againsaying, 'That's 40 cents, please.'  They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.  They have each had two martinis and so far they have spent less than a dollar.
 
Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for20a dime a piece?' 'I'm a retired tailor from Boston,' the bartender said, and I always wanted to own a bar.  Last year I hit the Lottery for $125 million and decided  to open this place.  Every drink costs a dime; wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'  'Wow!!!!  That's quite a story', says one of the men.
 
The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, 'What's with  them?'  The bartender says, 'Oh, they're all old retired farts from Maine. They're waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.

And one more for all you happy go lucky Irishmen.

Shalom,

Peter

An armed, hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off
revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the
guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.   One of the tellers is
looking straight at him and the robber shoots him also.
Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. "Did anyone else see my face?" calls the robber.   There are a few moments silence, then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand, clears his throat, and says: "I think me wife may have caught a glimpse...!" 

Hi Peter,

Thanks so much for the chuckles.  A good laugh is always a special treat, however during the Tax Season it seems especially refreshing.

Knowing that the Irishmen hold the Englishmen in such high esteem, LOL, I simply couldn't resist these two...

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman were playing Russian roulette.

The Englishman used a gun with six chambers and no bullets;

The Scotsman used a gun with six chambers and one bullet;

The Irishman used a gun with six chambers and six bullets - but he put the gun to the Englishman's head.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities' brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman's or a Scotsman's brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman's brain cost £10,000. That proves,' said The Englishman, 'that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen.'
'No it doesn't,' said The Irishman, 'it just means that an Englishman's brain has never been used.'

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Seems the Economy is bad everywhere, even in Ireland, and so it happened that the Maquire brothers were out together looking for work...  

While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the brothers:

'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.'

Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers.

'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out of ten, but I'm giving Mick the job.'

'Why's that?' asked Pat.

'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had written 'I don't know this' ,and you had written 'Neither do I!'.

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This last one has always been a favorite of mine, and you may have heard it before, however since I quite understand Shawn's sentiments, I felt that it deserved one more read...

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

Have A Bright & Beautiful Weekend,

Phil

Hi Phil & Friends,

As usual your add ons are hilarious. Thanks fos sharing with us.

I got this in the "mail" today from one of my dear adland friends. 

I guess it happens to all of us as time goes by. I think you'll get a kick out of this.

I wonder if this is our mirror image? :)

http://www.landercasper.com/AnyMore/AnyMore.html

Shalom,

Peter